I Try

My fingers are shaking.

I've only got 3 more weeks to complete the transformation. A pseudo-Jason. Not fake, but new and improved. I've to play the many parts that I've signed up to play. I have to be more than I am, to wear different shoes despite the size of my feet. I can't see how I'm going to be able to do that, but I want to. And I need to.

I'm encouraged by what little progress I have made so far, but it's nerve-wrecking to know that it's not enough. I need to bring more to the table. I'm not pulling enough of my weight.

I half-regret taking on so many portfolios. I've to rush around from place to place. Transport is sucking me dry. I don't have time to get a proper job. Worst of all I really could've devoted more effort into each one instead of splitting myself up, half-fucked in everything.

But in spite of it all, I know that after it's all over, I will be able to stand tall and tell myself that I managed to do it all. With the support of the people around me... the outcome of this holiday will be very different. I want all of the great stuff and to be able to say that I deserved it.