AltLife S01E04 - Hoo-Ha

"He does not want to have sex with me!" complained Rachel as slammed her half-empty can of Tiger on the table. I didn't know what to say. And Justin busied himself with providing the can with a coaster.

"Dude, a coaster for a can is just weird!"

"Are you people listening to me?" breathed Rachel menacingly. Her bosom was throbbing angrily in the low-cut red top. I tried to focus, but Justin was the one who managed to get words out of his mouth.

"You've been together for 3 months. He's hot. You're hot. Clearly, something's wrong."

"Do you not think I know? I have never dated without sex for more than 3 weeks. This is ridiculous!"

"You're ridiculous," I countered. "Why are you judging the relationship based whether you getlaid?"

"Is he religious or something?" asked Justin, who was getting quite bored. Talking about sex appealed to him. The lack of sex however, was a more pointless topic than local politics.

"No! I don't know!"

"He believes in sex after marriage?" asked Justin again. He had a lot of questions for someone who wasn't interested.

"People hardly believe in marriage any more. Why would any one believe in... that? You know what just call him and ask," I suggested.

"Now?"

"Save us the agony. Now," said Justin as he tossed Rachel her pink Samsung. Shrugging, she went off into a corner and made her call. Justin finished the rest of the Tiger and started humming Love, Sex and Magic. I thought of how I was teaching for a living and missing out on all the chicks I should be making friends with. Or making love with. Against the hard wooden...

"He promised his mom not to have sex till he was married," whispered Rachel.

"What?"

"Dump his sorry ass!" shouted Justin with great gusto. "We're humans. We have needs. They need to be met." In the most Tyra-like manner he could muster, he continued, "He must go back immediately, pack his belongings and go home."

"She can't dump him because of that!"

"He's great. In every way," whispered Rachel. I felt bad but I actually suspected that she was whispering with every intent of making it as dramatic as possible. I tried to keep a straight face.

"Now you," said Justin, wagging his finger at me, "do not get to give opinions. You would dump a girl if she didn't sleep with you during the first date! And you! Stop being dramatic!"

"But I can't dump him! He's the one!" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Listen to me. You guys don't see eye to eye on this and this, is a huge issue. There shouldn't be a big hoo-ha. Everyone should just get theirs. This is just silly." He went over and put an arm around Rachel. "When you're married you worry about other stuff... working out your finances, taking care of family, supporting each other through deaths of loved ones... serious stuff like that. Sex is something you work on and practise and make good before getting married."

"Imagine a troubled marriage and bad sex," I shuddered.

Spreedom

Okay, and so here are the results of my first online shopping spree. I blame Major Lin for it because he's the one who asked me to check it out! I was always quite annoyed when all my female friends (so many of you are guilty) go blog shopping during lecture and I've ran out of ONTD to read and I've got no choice but to stare blankly at the screen. Or worse, be forced to give comments on this dress, that dress and that dress.

Okay, I'm kidding. It's a welcomed distraction.

I got all these at $95. If I'm not wrong the shipping's a little more expensive than normal because apparently it's covered by insurance and delivered via registered mail. And all those funny things which I do not understand. Maybe Mr Louis Lin, Hall King of Hall 11 2007 can answer you if you drop by his webby and ask him. Or if you haven't you can be a fan of Spreedom here.

So yes, out of all the shops that they have available, like Aeropostale, Fred Perry, Forever 21 and Victoria's Secret, I like Urban Outfitters the best. Fred Perry kinda screams douche to me but if that's your thing, why not! I'm not into Slogantees any more but if you like them you could check out Snorgtees.

When money starts pouring in (which is never since I haven't even got a company for internship since the company I was supposed to work for decided that they were not hiring interns) from my awesome tuition students, I will buy jeans and shorts. As the ever-wise advice-dispenser Qiqi once said, "If you open the wardrobe and you don't have what you want to wear, BUY." That was when I told her that my nice berms and shorts were in the wash and it was hot and I didn't want to wear jeans.

Initially I got 3, but when Louis ordered, one of them went out of stock. So I chose another one in its place (instead of being money-savvy and saying, "Oh, then I'll just take two."). While picking out another one, I saw something else that I liked and so I ended up with four.

Okay, yeah, so the 4 tops that I got from UO.









The last one is something that I would never wear unless I go overseas. Classic case of "looks-good-on-the-model-but-not-on-you". Another shirt that I would not wear unless overseas is a T that reads: 注意, 小心迷上我. It was a present and the only time I wore it was when I went to Bangkok.

I am very disgusted with myself for "being one with consumerism". Excuse me while I shop for CNY or something.

AltLife S01E03 - Comes First

"And so when I went swimming again my coach said I become fat already! Cos last time at least can see a bit abs, then now cannot."

I laughed at the silliness of the comment. I was at Bobby's place, once again, teaching tuition. Or maybe not.

"Yeah lah! Study for exams then become like that. So I asked him to push me like crazy and swim until my whole body ache."

"I became fat studying for exams too. It's bad for health. I've been studying for 12 hours a day everyday for the past 10 days ok!" I proclaimed. Well, I was just lazy and studying was the perfect excuse. I was about to solve the question that he couldn't do on Trigonometry when he interrupted my thoughts.

"I want to be like Rain!" The image of the recent Life! cover sprung to mind. "It's like you get paid to get abs. Everybody wants abs, right! And then like they pay him to get abs! Like the actors in 300."

"Gerard Butler... but he's not that fit now."

"Yeah. People pay you to get abs. I want lor!"

I laughed. Yeah, I was sure at that moment Taylor Lautner was gloating and also, very proud of himself. 17, with a body that'll make any guy at any age jealous and making money from the Twilight franchise. Me? I facebook, faced books, owe the bank money for my University tuition fees, and looked distinctly average.

And here I was, teaching for a living. How unglamorous.

"Aiya, no need to train so hard lah! No girl want you also!" I said, taking a dig at him.

He paused for a moment before replying.

"No girl want me, I want myself."

Pseudo Post-Exams Celebration

Yam. Not XLB!

Your Love

If you see your love everyday
Make every moment special
Don't get bored

If you don't have a love
It's not because you aren't hot
Wait for the right TA

If you only get your love on weekends
Phone-kiss him on Monday
Shag him on Sunday

If your love is silly and doesn't get you
Be determined and get her to change
Let go when she stops trying

If your love has a big ego
Leave him
It doesn't compensate for his small dick

If your love lives a different life from you
Don't fight about things that made you
Make her build the future with you

If your love makes you a meal at 3AM
He'll need to stay in bed till 4PM
Perfect excuse to reward him with action between sheets before nightfall

If your love is fat and unwilling to run
Don't watch porn
Screw her hot best friend

If your love goes camping at Ubin with you
And she absolutely hates creepy crawlies
Make her laugh and scream when you see one

If your love is 10 732km away
You've beaten the odds by finding him
The fairytale ending is yours

If your love forgives you
Kiss him till his lips are numb
He's decided his pain is nothing compared to your love

If your love loves you
Like no one ever would
Don't ever let go

Nothing to Lose

And this is how I look after a morning run. I've got people asking me why I run. To be honest I don't know why. I've been lazy enough to run sporadically. But after since I've stopped going to school I've been going crazy with it. I think it's the fourth time I've ran this week already.

After a run, my heart pounds, as if fighting to get out. With rapid breaths, I struggle to catch up with the rate that my lungs need air. I'm drenched completely in sweat from head to toe. A couple of beads find their way my eyes and sting them. The ache in my legs force me to sit and stretch.

I feel so alive.