Friendships

Kind of a fucked-up topic to be writing on this early in the morning, but I felt like it so... blah.

Nothing seems to be the way
That it used to
Everything seems shallow
God give me truth

This topic has been bugging me a bit recently. I've seen friendships come and go, some becoming stronger while others becoming weaker. I'm not referring to any particular incident, just that in this time that I've been in NS, I've suddenly got the chance to know a lot of different people. I've not only known more people, but also gotten the chance to know them better than any other period of my life. I think it's due to the fact that tackling bitter tasks makes people bind together stronger. There's guard duty, there's office duty, there was Brunei which left us stranded in a foreign place, there was Jeep Course which left me at the mercy of my instructor, and of course the other various exercises which required communication to people I don't usually talk to. Also, during this time, I also learnt to stay in touch with the people from my past, the people who grew up with me, and perhaps got to see me under a different set of circumstances.

At this juncture a couple of lyrics from Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (one of Jie Yu's most quoted songs too!) comes to my mind.

Understand that friends come and go,
But for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle
Because the older you get,
The more you need the people you knew when you were young.
I remembered asking Si Hua and Sequeena this question - Would you rather have a small circle of friends whom you click fantastically well with, or have a large group of friends who aren't that close to you. It's my guess that most people would choose the former. It's based on the idea that with limited resources, would I rather spend it with those few people, or spread it out. It's a quality versus quantity question but it lost its potency when I realised that there's this area of overlap, that you can have a lot of friends and also stay close to those you click well with.

Recently I've also read somehwere that friendships are somewhat like investments. You put in time, money and effort to keep in contact with someone, but you don't know if you'd be getting back anything in return. As with every investment, the returns you get are varied because every person is different. All you can do is hope that everything works out in the end. Of course it'd be great that the person you value a lot thinks the same way about you, but I've learnt that interpersonal relationships are not that simple - you have no control over whether the feeling is mutual.

And then there was the article in Life! yesterday about having a lot of best friends. It made me realise that I still had a lot to learn, and that I've been very narrow-minded in the past. As the writer said that when we were young, we used to treat the term 'best friend' as an exclusive friendship. But as you grow older you realise that you need someone to support you when you're in different situations and you come to know people that can offer different forms of assistance, and that you'll need them all. Thus it is kind of dumb (I can hear my bias/opinionated-self talking) to stick with a clique and not put yourself out there and get to know more people.

My old friends (you know who you all are) will always have a place in my heart where no one can touch. Others may fade in and out of my life, but you're the people who keep me grounded, remind me of who I was before, stop me from doing evil, or cheer for me when I accomplish even the most simple of tasks in life.

As for me, I feel myself opening up more to the people around me... getting to know more people on a deeper level. I've always felt that it's tough to get to know people well, and I still stand by the fact that I don't entertain shallow friendships. I've also learnt to accept things which are out of my control. (I think I've also got to learn to stop being such a passive person and start asking people out.)

Come what may.
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be, friends forever
PS - I'm on off today, that's why I'm sitting at home typing in front of the computer. The weather looks pretty good, so I'm going to spend quality time with MYSELF and go to the pool for a tan, read a good book, listen to music and go for a swim. I've got duty on Saturday (BOLLOCKS!) so I won't be back till Sunday morning after booking in today. Enjoy your Saturdays while I protect the country. Bah!