Loser / Wreck

It's 5 AM and I'm sitting here, staring in front of the computer. I'm supposed to be doing my assignment but I can't seem to get started. My mind is unable to focus despite the fact that 3 hours have gone by and I haven't done anything productive. It's torture to need to get something done yet be unable to do it. It's that paralyzing sense of helplessness.

The sun's going to rise in a couple of hours. If only the good life was handed to me on a silver platter. I want to know how to be contented. I want to know how to be happy. I want to know how not to hurt. I want to know how to slow things down.

Why is it moving on fast forward all the time? Why are there deadlines? Why do I not know what I want.

And I could say it a million times and it wouldn't be enough.

I hate whiny stuff. I miss the good times... where I'd go on and on about music, about my happy life, about stupid, juvenile, pointless but happy stuff. Light, floaty, sweet - just like cotton candy. Superficial but if it looks so good that you'd eat it, why not? I don't mind if people don't take me seriously. I don't need to emo to show that I have depth to my thinking.

I need that secret formula for that happy ending. I know, then there'd be no point living life and finding out all the surprises that it can bring. There's no formula. There are no rules.

There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of.

If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

I'm so-so-so-sorry. I'm so-so-so-sorry. I didn't mean to break it baby.

I can't wait for Thursday.