I got a call from Wei Hao when I went for work and it turns out that he's going to be around till Sunday to help out for the road show! We had a great time chatting and I think we might be staying in hall together.
In the evening David popped by to say hi before the class outing. And to ask for the location of the ATM! A few moments later, I got a huge surprise when Guo Fei, Ivan, Shawn and Samuel came by to say hi. It turns out that they were going to meet at City Hall initially but made the trip to Orchard to get me to go out to dinner! Apparently, I was going to meet Ryan for a movie. I felt really rotten about disappointing them. And before they even left, Fukang came! He's going to China to meet his girlfriend for a week or two.
Ryan and I walked to PS, and on the way (surprise, surprise) I met my class, but it all happened rather fast. And then when I checked my phone, I got a message from Wei Jie saying, "Fuck you". It was probably due to me not attending the class outing, but still, I'm sure there's a more civil way of putting it across. After all, it was initially set on the 19th, and I plan my activities for the week once my work schedule's released.
Having disappointed two groups of people really got to me. Although it isn't really my fault.
Ryan and I ate at the food court (where Guo Rui called and sounded scarily like he was going to get me to join MLM) before I went to the Starhub at PS to say hi to Sidney and Zhi Wei. After that we went to The Cathay to watch Eragon, which was entertaining. During the movie, Mitchell messaged me (and maybe other people because it was addressed to "guys") about how heartless I/we were because we proclaimed that we were buddies but we never met up, and that she was disappointed.
Ryan and I took the train home and I was kind of stunned when Ivan and Guo Fei stepped in at Orchard MRT station. Anyway, they decided to ask me out earlier rather than later (I have this one-week's-notice-in-advance with regards to going out, because I'm not spontaneous) and so we're going to watch Death Note II next Thursday.
After all that happened it shocked me to realise how many people I knew. It was awful to know that I've let people down. But it hurts to realise that they don't understand. I can't say I didn't see it coming, which is why I said before that I can't handle anymore friendships. I've always believed that it's much better to have a close group of friends than a humungous social circle but not having friends who'd be there for you when you need them. Because they are human tool; it's not about casting a net huge enough to tie them down to you, but rather reaching out to a chosen few that you'd be able to make a difference to, and vice versa.
Sometimes we make a conscious choice of who we want to hang out with, sometimes there's time to burn and we've got to find company. Emotions are complicated. Initiatives are sometimes not reciprocated. I'm really very touched by friends who have not given up on me despite my countless disappointments. I'm sure you can tell whether the feeling is mutual.
Way back, when I was younger and childish - just before I started my own music chart in 1999, I used to rank my friends. And show them to everyone. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, but yeah, that was what I did. It was a double-edged sword - to show those I cherished that they meant a lot to me, and to show those lower down in the ranks that if they wanted to get into my good books (literally) they had to work at it.
Very fucked up I know, but that was when I was 13. Of course I soon realised that people were not meant to rank like songs, and we love our friends for their diversity, and the different persectives they bring to our lives as well as the variety of things that they can assist us with. And that they are special in their own, different ways.
At least I don't burn bridges on purpose (MLM). There are constraints and I'm trying my best to work around them.
But why would I bother explaining to those who don't understand my situation? We're obviously not that close anyway.
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