Career Direction?

I regret the fact that I hadn't written more and I could've been more vocal in class. But lesson today was good. It's the last lesson for playwriting and I can say that it has changed my life. I don't think I could say that about any module that I've taken really.

I'll miss everybody. Especially all the seniors because I've gained a lot just by being in their presence, although they weren't always around! I've learned from my peers who were fantastic and put their work out there for presentation and critique. It's really inspiring. And Michael, for giving me the first A that I've ever gotten in NTU.

Of course it is much more than that but I think I've said so much about this module that I'd only be repeating myself. The most important thing is that it has gotten me to sit down and do some real, solid writing. And I do love writing. It's also gotten me to think about my life. I've never had a chance to look back at the past in awe of all the experiences I have been through. They are what's in my treasure trove for writing. I've also discovered truths about myself as a person, which is probably the most valuable thing I've taken away from it all.

It is crazy but I'll be taking the holidays off from doing serious work. Like, getting a paid job. I'll still be teaching tuition. But I think I'll be writing...

10th Anniversary

This was what I've been working on for the past week. It really took a lot out of me. I was in a bad mood. I was not open to socialising. Actually I was worse that normal so that's horrible. The only nice thing working on it was having correspondence with Ros and Yiling, whom I've grown to greatly appreciate in the course of working on my journals and my playwriting. It's a very big deal for me as I've never put in so much effort into a stack of paper before. Never. It's the first time that I've written so much as well. I did say that it wasn't that difficult and it was a matter of "turning the smoke machine to 'full' and switching it on", but some of them were the words of my greatest inspirations this semester. I am really damn proud that there's this thing... something to show for what I have learned in this lesson. It's something that is so different from other modules.

It was amazing that I got my children's adaptation read out today. It was a very freaky experience and I haven't gotten used to it yet. It's like getting people to experience what you have inside your head together with you, and you have no idea if they are going to like it or not. Worse of all, people are doing you a favour by doing it for you so you want to make it worth it for them. I was practically hiding behind Chun Yan's chair through the reading. I thought it turned out rather well though. The best part about it was that Michael thought so! YAY! I was damn ecstatic when he voiced his overall approval of the script. And Ros gave me the "I told you so, your script's decent" look and smiled. I showed her the script and she gave me feedback before I came up with this editted version. It was a great way to end the penultimate session of playwriting... but I hope to see Ros' dialogue get performed. It will certainly end everything with a huge bang.

I went back to Sembawang Secondary School today with Si Hua, as it was our school's 10th anniversary... and was feeling quite shy so I didn't talk to many people. I think I'll go back to school on another day to talk to my teachers though. But the thing about going back to school is like that - there'd definitely be teachers that you don't want to see. And run away and hide from. Haha..



We had to walk to the front gate because the back gate wasn't opened. We spied around and looked around for some teachers. It was quite a nice experience to be back again. Those days of being in school came flooding back to me non-stop. Really. The place has changed, but it still looked so new. It was as if the building hadn't aged while we were away. Its students, on the other hand, have aged.



The hair on my arms stood on ends as I saw the band perform. The school band was one of the CCAs that did us very proud ever since it was established. My batch was actually the pioneer batch of the school. Anyway, their performance of YMCA was great and to see the rest of the students jump, dance and cheer in jubilation around them just overwhelmed me. The feelings of lost youth and innocence...



And it was in this hall that I was the MC for the Official Opening of our school, where we had Dr Tony Tan as our guest-of-honour. It was unforgettable when he looked and nodded at me as I announced "And may we now invite our guest-of-honour Dr Tony Tan to proceed downstairs for some refreshments.". It's one of those things that'll remain in your memory for as long as you live.

SSS really holds many of those memories.

Running Out Of Steam

This week is a rather crazy week. Okay so I blame myself for not keeping up with my work and thus having to rush to keep up with the deadlines this week. It's an enormous pain, but there were somethings I enjoyed doing.

I have been putting my portfolio for playwriting together for the entire week. It took a lot of effot to get stuff written and to compile them together. I had a crazy time doing journals for the past 8 lessons. Actually it's not so much of a fact that I want to do well. FOr this subject I really feel that I have been on a journey and it's one that deserves writing about. It's an experience worth writing about. I gained confidence in speaking, in acting, in myself and I had a chance to work with fantastic people. I also found that bit of creative spark return to me in terms of writing. It's brilliant really. It is what I think lessons should be like. You feel a sense of growth. There's progression. I'd even like to compare it to a play... where the main character changes in some way at the end after he faces an obstacle. I feel that I've gained a lot of experience in theatre. I've gained new ways of looking at things. Most important of all, going through the module would've made a decent play!

I've also been doing crazy projects and trying to catch up with all sorts of stuff. I'm quite lost in Comms Research and Information Literacy. These are the two subjects that are causing me quite a bit of pain. I'm cool with Comms Research because there's a textbook. However now we're onto stats and the most frustrating thing is that ARMY ruined my academic mind. I've totally forgotten variables, sampling whatnots, significant difference, 2-tailed tests, T-tests and everything in between. It's fucking furstrating because all of them look familiar to me but I just don't have a clue what it's about. It's like having a light case of amnesia. It's retarded. I look at these terms like they're old friends but I have no freaking idea who they are and end up smiling patronisingly at them. It's fucking frustrating and I'm very pissed off.

There's quiz next week.

And the exams are in two weeks.

I stayed up till about 4AM yesterday doing 202. Jie Yu was fantastic to have driven down with Chieh to give me bachormee. It was heavenly! And it kept me awake. More than that. It kept my mind working and I didn't collapse on the benches at the North Spine (which suck by the way). I really, really appreciate it! Words can't describe the feeling. Anyway, I'm looking forward to our Phuket trip after the exams!

CS Senior Camp peeps are so going to murder me.

I Write

1. I write because I’m bored.
2. I write because it’s fun. I thought.
3. I write because I want to teach.
4. I write because I want to inspire.
5. I write because it’s an outlet for creativity.
6. I write because I want to explore.
7. I write because I want to entertain.
8. I write because I have stuff in my head that needs to be let loose.
9. I write because words and sentences, and how they are put together to express my thoughts, excite me.
10. I write because it gives me control.
11. I write because it allows me to sort out my thoughts.
12. I write because it allows me to understand myself better.
13. I write to share experiences.
14. I write so others can relate to me.

The Pillowman

I can't remember when was the last time I watched a play, which is rather disgusting considering the fact that I intend to minor in Performance and Theatre and that I'm already doing my second module in Drama! It was therefore apt that I got wowed, along with Ros, Yiling and Chun Yan, by such a fantastic play.



The Pillowman stars Adrian Pang, Daniel Jenkins, Michael Corbidge and Shane Mardjuki, all of whom were brilliant and brought magic to the stage. Every character was dark, sick and twisted... to such an extent that it was so real. It explored various themes such as child abuse and it made us all think of whether it was that painful growing up and if we'd do it all over again if we knew that it sucked. The catch was that I learned a lot about playwriting itself from this play as the playwrite made his opinions on writing known through one of the characters, Katurian, who wrote 400 twisted short stories. Katurian made statements like the fact that writers who were only comfortable with writing what they aren't good with imagination, and probably when he dies, the only thing that's of any worth left is his writing.

The pacing was tight, and it didn't feel like 2 hours 45 minutes at all! It was climax after climax, punch after punch. I could feel myself understanding everything that was going on, but scratching my head at what more the second half could offer. When it started again after intermission, it felt as if I was taking a crazy rollercoaster ride and held my breath countless times, as if it was taking me straight into a wall, or about to throw me out when it went upside down.

It was exhilarating.

And we agreed that the script must've been crazily thick! There's so much juice, so much content in there that revealing it here in parts and pieces which just do injustice to the story because it's so tightly knitted and woven!

Okay, so maybe I can say somethings about it. As mentioned there's the writer. And then there's his mentally retarded brother, Michal, who was guilty of the things that Katurian was charged for. Adrian Pang and Shane Mardjuki acted as police who were trying to get to the bottom of the crimes.

The twists and turns were phenomenal!

So. I haven't been to many plays, but I've been through enough movies, TV shows etc. to appreciate good acting and story-telling. There are reasons why this play has been so wildly popular with the critics and public alike. I wanted to watch it again, but it's already sold out.

Okay, then again I would be crazy to spend another $50 on it, but the experience was just mind-blowing.



That was the exact word I used to describe how I felt after the entire thing was over. We managed to take a photo with Michael (who, by no coincidence is our playwriting tutor) and chatted with him for awhile with regards to the play. It really gave me an idea of how a successful play is like and allowed me, as well as my classmates to apply all we've learned in the past 2 semesters, into analysing the play.



Which was the other more intellectual thing we did other than cam-whoring while waiting for Ros' boyfriend to come fetch us back to hall! Haha...

I'm inspired to write already!

The Betrayal I

[Jessica enters the scene. She’s back from shopping. Edwin is sitting on the sofa reading a magazine and barely glances up to look at Jessica.]

Jessica: Hi darling...

Edwin: Hi babe.

J: Look what I’ve bought! I got this Levi’s polo-T for you. Remember the time when we were rushing to the meeting and you saw this on display and you wanted to buy it but we didn’t have the time? Well, I went down and bought it for you. See if you like it. I think white really brings out your tan.

E: Thanks. Leave it on the sofa. I’ll try it on later.

J: So... have you seen my work? The documents about the modelling agency?

E: You mean the ones in the thumbdrive?

J: Yes. I was up the entire night doing it. I didn’t know compiling our ideas would take up so much time!

E: No I haven’t seen it. I was too busy.

J: You didn’t? But you said you would!

E: I have confidence in your work, babe. I passed it to James the moment I saw him.

J: Has he said anything about it?

E: No.

J: No... This can’t be happening. Ed, we’ve got to get it back.

E: Whatever for?

J: There are... photos...

E: What photos?

J: Photos of me and... Justin.

E: (puts down magazine) What? Why would there be photos of you and Justin?

J: We took them after the meeting. Just for fun.

E: Why didn’t you take any with James?

J: He wasn’t around, I think.

E: I had no idea that you and Justin were that close. The meeting was over within minutes.

J: He was probably high.

E: So what’s the rush with getting the thumbdrive?

J: Well... I just don’t want other people to see them. (Jessica looks away.) They’re personal.

E: Jessica. How personal can photos of acquaintances be?

J: (long pause) I slept with him.

E: You what?

J: They were photos of me and him. Sleeping. Together.

E: No!

J: Yes.

E: Why?

J: Because... well...

E: Why?

J: It’s your fault!

E: What did I do!

J: You ignored me!

E: I did not!

J: That night. The night when we had that meeting..

E: What are you talking about! We hung out with my friends after that damn meeting!

J: No! When I was with you it was as if I wasn’t even there!

E: Nonsense.

J: I had no one to talk to. I could count the words you said to me with my two hands! I wasn’t expecting much. You could have just turn to talk to me every once in awhile. Make a conversation with me. If I’m the one you want to be with for the rest of your life, surely you could’ve given me some attention! I was waiting for you to talk to me. But you didn’t.

E: You’re being ridiculous. (Throws magazine across the room, gets up and wants to leave.) I don’t even want to talk to you right now.

J: (Grabs Edwin’s arm urgently.) You didn’t even look at me! Edwin. For the entire hour I was there beside you, you didn’t look at me. You didn’t talk to me. You didn’t even hold my hand. I wasn’t there even though I was. There. You didn’t even look at me!

E: But we were there! Together! (pause) You said that we’d still be able to appear as individuals in front of our friends. What happened to that? (Jessica is speechless.)You could have joined the conversation. I wasn’t ignoring you.

J: Why couldn’t you have included me in the conversation?

E: Why couldn’t you have joined in? It would’ve been really stupid of me to say, “Oh, those were the days. Being in Army was just the best. By the way, look at Jess’ new bag. I bought it from Gucci. Ain’t it gorgeous?”.

J: You were talking about the Army!

E: And you slept with Justin! (long pause) I never thought you’d be the kind to sleep with another man.

J: I didn’t... it was a mistake. I’m sorry. I love you. I really do. You know it. I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s my fault. Please? Don’t ignore me. I didn’t mean to... Really.

E: We’ve got to get it back before they see it.

J: Let me go with you.

E: No.

J: I caused all this.

E: I can handle it.

J: But I want to help.

E: Do whatever you want.

A big shoutout to the people who made this come to life: Liqi, Colin, Yiling, Steph, Michael, Ros, Nas, Helmi and Diya. Thanks!

Playwriting

I really appreciate people who come visit my blog. Somehow I feel it's a way of concern, like you bother, care, give a damn, or at least what's going on here entertains you. Yeah I sure hope it does!

Playwriting started off rather intimidating, but I'm beginning to like it a lot. I especially enjoyed today's session because I got to take part in it rather than being just a spectator. One reason was of course a lot of people were absent. Anyway, it's great working with different people. They've all opened my eyes and made me see so much more. Writing is not just words on the paper. It's about life. I heard a fantastic poem written by Daniel today. If there's an opportunity and if he'd let me, I'll post it up here. I don't know why I just felt that I could really relate to it. We did a lot of reading (aloud) and acting today. Somehow I've grown more confident of myself during this session, probably because I had a chance to try different things. Also I'm slowly learning to form my own interpretations of stuff, which is really important across this module and COM 206 especially, where we learned to tell stories with photographs yesterday. Everything is deliberate. Details are not spared. To be trained to think like that is rather new for me and I'm just getting used to it. I'm just happy I've grown a lot from this session.

There was a Hall CNY dinner at Jumbo Seafood restaurant not long ago. Pics from there coming soon, as long as the laptop doesn't die on me.

Yesterday the Cheerleading Team had a get-together and it was really cool seeing all of them again. Mun Chun and Yayun are thinking of forming a rather permanent team and that would mean putting time and effort into the cause. Straight up - I would. Although it might take my time away from other things I feel that it's something I enjoy and I'm on my way to doing well in it. Also the fact that was impressed upon me was that it was a teamsport. Everyone has to work tightly together. It only looks good when all of us are at our best. So it makes everyone in the team really unselfish, very helpful and encouraging. Yesterday they set up the projector and showed a video of our various contributions to HO and thos flashing images reminded us of all the hard work we've put in. It would be great for us to come together in the near future to put up another performance for all.

There're a whole lot of assignments to be done and they are all due either before CNY or directly after. It's more important to enjoy CNY than it is to get good grades... Okay, maybe not, but still I won't let academic work get in the way of this huge annual celebration.

It's going to be one hectic weekend.