Say you've dated someone for a couple of months. And then you're told that said person has a terminal illness. So now you've got a decision to make - thank you for the good times, but I don't think I could go through this, the pain would blow me to smithereens OR let's take it on together, I'll be by your side forever, this'll be story I'll be proud of, like Romeo and Juliet.
"Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad?"
That's probably one of the most common sentiment reflected in lyrics of love songs. That struggle between the imaginary right and wrong, the physical and the emotional, the logical and the impulsive. At the end of the day, the smart thing to do would be to take the emotions out of the decision-making, stash it somewhere far, far away and think... like in terms of SWOTs or risk & reward. Stupid as it might sound, isn't it easier to think in black and white and erase the struggle in the middle? Why make it difficult for yourself?
You need an answer, you need it now. You need to take action, you need to move on with your life and not cling on to the drama and the struggle.
It makes for good TV but it sucks when you've to go through it.
So what I'd say is to, very simply, think it through and decide. In this case, if you know that the person's someone you'll never come across again, stick by him. If it's great love you know you'll never get to experience, if it's once in a lifetime, yes, by all means, bite the bullet, go through with it.
If you think you can't do it, say no, back out. Life's hard as it is. Don't make it harder for yourself.
At the end of it all though, intuition is not based on the logical. It's based on experience. It's also based on feeling - that sixth sense. You can be the best thinker but sometimes it all comes down to luck, and you wish you made decisions based on your gut. Even if it turns out wrong, it's hard to deny what at that moment, felt so right.
I know it's hard for you, but whatever the choice you make, it's the right one. That's all you need to know.
Good luck.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Monday, May 06, 2013
Love & Friendship
Maybe we've gotten it wrong.
Maybe we should treat lovers like friends and friends like lovers.
All the drama, intense emotions, up-and-downs - those belong in a friendship. It's the kind of ship that's made to be battered by strong winds and relentless waves. Being together with a group of friends should be all hands on deck as you sail through life - adventurous, sword in hand, parrot on shoulder! Laugh wildly, cry madly, puke constantly (from nights of alcohol abuse). On the other hand, being with a lover should be like being on a luxury cruise. Do the buffet. Do the casino. Do the pool. Then do it in the bed - you'll probably be able to rock it harder than the huge-ass cruise ship would in a storm.
I don't know if that comparison works cos I haven't actually been on a cruise ship before. But you get the drift.
We approach love like we deserve the best. So we try lovers like we're at a buffet, stuffing ourselves till we become sick, like you can never have your fill, like there's a better dish to try. But lovers are more like porridge, bland but it perseveres It's something you can stick with for life, in sickness in health, when you're young and after you've become old. It's not a McSpicy, it's not a Double Down. A lover's a comfortable constant. Friends, however, are the buffet. They come in all shapes and sizes, all tastes and flavours. They should be different from you, complement you in some way. Each one a different perspective, each one pushing you out of your comfort zone, forcing you to grow, daring you to try something new, challenging you... yes, that's what friends are for!
Most people don't choose friends based on looks. More often than not, it's the after effect of having gone through a common experience, fighting common battles, going through shit together. Just like that, they stick. But maybe that's how being in a relationship should be like. Lots of us-against-the-world, constant struggle to be accepted by each other, vindicated by others (very forbidden love, ala Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast etc), forging a future together. That's how a strong bond is built. Friendships should be more superficial, kind of like blind dates. You decide within 5 minutes whether you like the person, whether there's chemistry, whether you can be bothered to contact them again and whether you'd do cool stuff with them. You don't have to commit to one and you don't have to commit the rest of your life!
It'll be interesting for friends to be treated to an overdose of passion, excitement and drama; and for lovers to be treated with stability, support and simplicity.
So just maybe, we should treat our friends like lovers and lovers like friends.
Maybe we should treat lovers like friends and friends like lovers.
All the drama, intense emotions, up-and-downs - those belong in a friendship. It's the kind of ship that's made to be battered by strong winds and relentless waves. Being together with a group of friends should be all hands on deck as you sail through life - adventurous, sword in hand, parrot on shoulder! Laugh wildly, cry madly, puke constantly (from nights of alcohol abuse). On the other hand, being with a lover should be like being on a luxury cruise. Do the buffet. Do the casino. Do the pool. Then do it in the bed - you'll probably be able to rock it harder than the huge-ass cruise ship would in a storm.
I don't know if that comparison works cos I haven't actually been on a cruise ship before. But you get the drift.
We approach love like we deserve the best. So we try lovers like we're at a buffet, stuffing ourselves till we become sick, like you can never have your fill, like there's a better dish to try. But lovers are more like porridge, bland but it perseveres It's something you can stick with for life, in sickness in health, when you're young and after you've become old. It's not a McSpicy, it's not a Double Down. A lover's a comfortable constant. Friends, however, are the buffet. They come in all shapes and sizes, all tastes and flavours. They should be different from you, complement you in some way. Each one a different perspective, each one pushing you out of your comfort zone, forcing you to grow, daring you to try something new, challenging you... yes, that's what friends are for!
Most people don't choose friends based on looks. More often than not, it's the after effect of having gone through a common experience, fighting common battles, going through shit together. Just like that, they stick. But maybe that's how being in a relationship should be like. Lots of us-against-the-world, constant struggle to be accepted by each other, vindicated by others (very forbidden love, ala Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast etc), forging a future together. That's how a strong bond is built. Friendships should be more superficial, kind of like blind dates. You decide within 5 minutes whether you like the person, whether there's chemistry, whether you can be bothered to contact them again and whether you'd do cool stuff with them. You don't have to commit to one and you don't have to commit the rest of your life!
It'll be interesting for friends to be treated to an overdose of passion, excitement and drama; and for lovers to be treated with stability, support and simplicity.
So just maybe, we should treat our friends like lovers and lovers like friends.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Wealth Over the Edge
"Wealth Over the Edge: Singapore" is a Wall Street Journal article that has been popular with many friends on Facebook. It takes a look at how Singapore is now the playground for the rich, why they're gathering here more so than anywhere else in the world. It's refreshing, with a standard of reporting that's sorely lacking in local paper, and objective, stating the highs without ignoring the lows. Like the fact that you can't have a nightspot selling a glass of $26k champagne with a diamond in it without having a Ferrari crash into a taxi.
What's undeniable is that the same people who have brought their riches to Singapore are the ones driving prices up - property prices, car prices, food prices. Of course I do buy in to the logic that it's preferable that they spend their money here. With that comes their businesses here and talent! But it puts a lot of pressure on the average Singaporean who definitely has aspirations of being anything but average. We want it all - from having a place to call our own to owning items from luxury brands that have set up shop along Orchard Road and Marina Bay Sands. It all seems out of reach.
That's why our priorities are a little skewed and work-life balance is a myth.
All these aside, the same things that attract the rich to our shores are the advantages that we take for granted. - order, predictability and control. Maybe, instead of whining about how difficult it is living here, we need to find ways of exploiting the situation, using the winds to our benefit. This moment, more than any other in the country's history, we're wealthy and there are opportunities abound.
Rather than wallow in self-pity or angry facebook posts, maybe it's time to channel our energy into finding a way to get what we want and eventually, be satisfied with the life we lead.
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Welcome 2013
I welcome 2013 with open arms and not because 2012 hasn't been good. It's because 2012 has been good, possibly one of the best years of my life, and 2013's going to open doors to greater things!
So maybe, very quickly, a look back at some bits of my life that are worthy of mention in 2012, and that I have plans for in 2013.
Relationships
When it comes to people I guess I have been spoiled. I let go off more people than I should have, mainly because I didn't know any better. So now I do know better and I count my blessings. I will fight harder for you to be in my life, family and friends. You deserve it as you've stuck around when I deserved it the least. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world and I know it. I don't take it for granted and maybe now it's time to show it. Now I see it's not important that people share the some interests, come from the same background or speak the same language. It's the willingness to stay in contact and believing that through our connection, we become better people.
It's something I sincerely believe in, that we learn and love and are enriched by the people around us. That's the basis of relationships, human interaction, and our connection.
Money
Dammit I promise to only buy things that are on sale! Or not. Maybe lesser on iTunes. It is my new year's resolution not to go to weddings? If only I could. Not that I don't like to celebrate happiness, of course. This tradition is particularly stifling and money draining. Save up on the small stuff and gun for the big purchases. I'm glad my laptop is still around after 5 years, going 6 I believe. It must survive one more year. I'm not ready to get a new one. I hate eating expensive food. I enjoy the ambiance. I like hanging out with friends at restaurants over delicious dinner. There's something cosy about getting together in an excessively well-furnished interior. But is it necessary? I hate spending money on food.
Like many people my age, getting a place of my own and possibly a car are the two things that I really want but seem so out of reach. Ridiculously out of reach. That and constantly feeling upset about public transport are some of the things I have to deal with living here. But if you think about it, that's pretty tame compared to living elsewhere in the world.
I'd love to get my own place. Save on the small stuff, the expensive stuff and the stuff in-between and hope this will happen soon.
Fitness
Stellar, really. I've never been more fit in my life. I've never had to train so hard. I've never had to run so much, so far. I've never had to work out till I feel like throwing up. I've never had to expend so much mental energy to find physical strength I never (knew I) had! It's an amazing collections of challenges, from races (Men's Health Urbanathlon, Sundown, King of the Road Malaysia, Standard Chartered Half-Marathon) to IPPTs. There were also work out sessions at Sweat!, a little bit of trekking at Taman Negara, cycling in Darwin... It's super fun to engage my entire being in such activities. It's when I feel most alive!
So this year it's going to be more of the same. I'm going to continue my circuit training. I'm going to continue running, but will definitely cut down on the races. (I think I managed to complete something like 10 last year!) I hope the strength and endurance I gain will not only help me in new sports that I may take up this year, but also exploring the world around me. Hopefully I'll have the chance to go overseas to race, climb mountains, canoe in rivers, hike in forests and cycle in the countryside.
Of course, looking good in a pair of boardshorts for Zoukout 2013 will be awesome too.
Writing and Teaching
I'd like to pretend that being chummy with people is a skill, but clearly it isn't! What I'm left with, I think, is writing and teaching. I enjoy both very much and hope to really do more this year. It's getting tougher because the tuition well is drying up and I haven't been making enough effort to find kids. I guess that's my fault and also possibly my word-of-mouth among parents hasn't been particularly outstanding, despite what I think, is my rather outstanding track record teaching upper Secondary School Mathematics! And writing, well, I'll start with stringing together more words for this blog! I've been neglecting it severely last year, partly because, well, it's sort of an identity-crisis for me really. I no longer know what to write about, when so much of what I do is work. And also then there's a lot of laziness too.
But no more excuses. Maybe a few more posts what I've been through outside of work, and also a bit of insight on the work I do. No harm in that alright! Not as if I've been shutting down my social media presence. I'll get down to it. My review of Wreck-It Ralph tomorrow maybe?
I'm very happy that the first week of 2013 has gone by smoothly, except for the weather. The rain has got to stop, especially when I get off work. Other than that I had fun ringing in the new year with people I love, cosy celebrations, happiness and activities (mahjong, mahjong, mahjong) I enjoy.
To a fruitful 2013.
So maybe, very quickly, a look back at some bits of my life that are worthy of mention in 2012, and that I have plans for in 2013.
Relationships
When it comes to people I guess I have been spoiled. I let go off more people than I should have, mainly because I didn't know any better. So now I do know better and I count my blessings. I will fight harder for you to be in my life, family and friends. You deserve it as you've stuck around when I deserved it the least. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world and I know it. I don't take it for granted and maybe now it's time to show it. Now I see it's not important that people share the some interests, come from the same background or speak the same language. It's the willingness to stay in contact and believing that through our connection, we become better people.
It's something I sincerely believe in, that we learn and love and are enriched by the people around us. That's the basis of relationships, human interaction, and our connection.
Money
Dammit I promise to only buy things that are on sale! Or not. Maybe lesser on iTunes. It is my new year's resolution not to go to weddings? If only I could. Not that I don't like to celebrate happiness, of course. This tradition is particularly stifling and money draining. Save up on the small stuff and gun for the big purchases. I'm glad my laptop is still around after 5 years, going 6 I believe. It must survive one more year. I'm not ready to get a new one. I hate eating expensive food. I enjoy the ambiance. I like hanging out with friends at restaurants over delicious dinner. There's something cosy about getting together in an excessively well-furnished interior. But is it necessary? I hate spending money on food.
Like many people my age, getting a place of my own and possibly a car are the two things that I really want but seem so out of reach. Ridiculously out of reach. That and constantly feeling upset about public transport are some of the things I have to deal with living here. But if you think about it, that's pretty tame compared to living elsewhere in the world.
I'd love to get my own place. Save on the small stuff, the expensive stuff and the stuff in-between and hope this will happen soon.
Fitness
Stellar, really. I've never been more fit in my life. I've never had to train so hard. I've never had to run so much, so far. I've never had to work out till I feel like throwing up. I've never had to expend so much mental energy to find physical strength I never (knew I) had! It's an amazing collections of challenges, from races (Men's Health Urbanathlon, Sundown, King of the Road Malaysia, Standard Chartered Half-Marathon) to IPPTs. There were also work out sessions at Sweat!, a little bit of trekking at Taman Negara, cycling in Darwin... It's super fun to engage my entire being in such activities. It's when I feel most alive!
So this year it's going to be more of the same. I'm going to continue my circuit training. I'm going to continue running, but will definitely cut down on the races. (I think I managed to complete something like 10 last year!) I hope the strength and endurance I gain will not only help me in new sports that I may take up this year, but also exploring the world around me. Hopefully I'll have the chance to go overseas to race, climb mountains, canoe in rivers, hike in forests and cycle in the countryside.
Of course, looking good in a pair of boardshorts for Zoukout 2013 will be awesome too.
Writing and Teaching
I'd like to pretend that being chummy with people is a skill, but clearly it isn't! What I'm left with, I think, is writing and teaching. I enjoy both very much and hope to really do more this year. It's getting tougher because the tuition well is drying up and I haven't been making enough effort to find kids. I guess that's my fault and also possibly my word-of-mouth among parents hasn't been particularly outstanding, despite what I think, is my rather outstanding track record teaching upper Secondary School Mathematics! And writing, well, I'll start with stringing together more words for this blog! I've been neglecting it severely last year, partly because, well, it's sort of an identity-crisis for me really. I no longer know what to write about, when so much of what I do is work. And also then there's a lot of laziness too.
But no more excuses. Maybe a few more posts what I've been through outside of work, and also a bit of insight on the work I do. No harm in that alright! Not as if I've been shutting down my social media presence. I'll get down to it. My review of Wreck-It Ralph tomorrow maybe?
I'm very happy that the first week of 2013 has gone by smoothly, except for the weather. The rain has got to stop, especially when I get off work. Other than that I had fun ringing in the new year with people I love, cosy celebrations, happiness and activities (mahjong, mahjong, mahjong) I enjoy.
To a fruitful 2013.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Love is like...
Love is like... just another thing that you need to sustain yourself. One shouldn't make a big deal about it. Just like one should not make a big deal about having air to breathe and having food to eat. When it's there... it's just there so you can move on with other aspects in your life. It's not supposed to cause you trouble and you shouldn't put in too much effort into getting it.
The people who are successful in life don't make a big deal out of love. It's there, they have it, they know how to maintain it, nurture it, but it's not what their entire life is about. Their lives are about their passion and their passion is not a someone, but a something. Changing the world with a business, a new innovation, taking part in philanthropy... these are worthwhile pursuits.
We're constantly fed these terrible ideas, from movies, from music, from books, that love is life-changing and how it consumes you and how it's exciting and thrilling and nourishes your being and justifies your existence on this earth. Romance. Romance is a pain in the ass. It's great that people around you have it but it should be equally great if you don't have it. So you can concentrate on the real important issues, you know, like helping kids who need education, people dying from starvation and whether the eventual winner of the US X-Factor will have a #1 on the Billboard Hot 100.
At the end of it all commitment is everything. You just need that one person, that one who wants to be together with you as badly as you do. After that you don't have to make a big fuss out of it. Nothing to celebrate, nothing to scream about. You don't have to come up with funny, special things - no anniversaries, no fucking birthdays. Just knowing the person is there should be enough. You draw nourishment from the relationship, just like how you would eat a burger or drink a Coke and then you can do other good things with your life.
I should learn to do just that.
Sunday, July 08, 2012
This Body of Mine
It gets on my nerves when people comment on my physique, thinking that I need to look a certain way, that I'm too scrawny and I need to bulk up.
With me it has always been function over form. I want my body to be able climb mountains, to react to danger, to play sports, to run marathons, to carry groceries.
Yes, I may be vain at times. But I'm at the point in my life that the "look" isn't such a big deal any more.
There's so much more to fitness and sports than fitting perfectly into a T-shirt. There's so much to be gained from pursuing passion, standing for something, displaying sportsmanship and from there, celebrating the human spirit. I respect my peers for being interesting, changing things up, keeping at it and not giving up. One of my friends is an avid runner. From participating in every single race I've heard, to travelling to Australia for a marathon and ending up in hospital, he is the kind of guy I respect. He has a story. His journey has meaning. His spirit is inspiring.
What I put my body through will not be for vanity. It'll be because I like being active. I'd like to let people know that they can push themselves more. I want to stand for something. It's the one thing that I had with me since I was young; it's the only thing that will be with me till I die. This body, bones, muscles, scars and all, is my temple.
What I achieve with it will always be more important than how it looks.
Sunday, July 01, 2012
Half-Time Commentary
Half a year has gone past, swift as the wind.
Am I happy with how it turned out so far? Yes I must say I'm satisfied. Have I done what I set out to accomplish? I've been like a leaf, going where the wind blows... so it's a half-half I think. Have I been outstanding and ridiculously proud of all that I've done. Not really. I believe that I could've done better in some aspects.
There has been some good surprises. Back-to-back trip to Phuket and then Darwin; there were also two trips to Bintan with my CS friends. Then the past few weekends flew by in a blur, with lots of loud music, fantastic beer and even better company. The fitness theme for this year is running and I've been running like crazy, possibly more than the past couple of years added together. Completed races and won medals. The most memorable were Urbanathlon and Sundown. They were great because they were difficult and completing them was such a rush. As for concerts, well, the high from witnessing Lady Gaga is enough to last the whole year! There were also two huge KKJ gigs that I went for. I'm glad they're back in a big way.
Looking into the crystal ball, it's going to be more of the same, but a tad more exciting. Three more races have already been booked, one of which, the adidas King of the Road, is in KL. That's in September. One month before that I'll be flying to KL but this time, to Taman Negara, the world's oldest tropical rainforest. I'm quite tempted to visit Bintan for another short trip to discover what I haven't had the chance to and Batam to cable-ski for a day. Also, more clubbing, yes, more booze, more dancing.
Family's fine. Friends are fine. Work's fine. My health is fine. My financial health., er, will be like wine, and grow fine with time. The world of Pop is fine.
I like how the year is unfolding slowly, revealing secrets to me about myself and my part in the world. Every step is a step in the right direction; every mistake is a step to perfection.
Am I happy with how it turned out so far? Yes I must say I'm satisfied. Have I done what I set out to accomplish? I've been like a leaf, going where the wind blows... so it's a half-half I think. Have I been outstanding and ridiculously proud of all that I've done. Not really. I believe that I could've done better in some aspects.
There has been some good surprises. Back-to-back trip to Phuket and then Darwin; there were also two trips to Bintan with my CS friends. Then the past few weekends flew by in a blur, with lots of loud music, fantastic beer and even better company. The fitness theme for this year is running and I've been running like crazy, possibly more than the past couple of years added together. Completed races and won medals. The most memorable were Urbanathlon and Sundown. They were great because they were difficult and completing them was such a rush. As for concerts, well, the high from witnessing Lady Gaga is enough to last the whole year! There were also two huge KKJ gigs that I went for. I'm glad they're back in a big way.
Looking into the crystal ball, it's going to be more of the same, but a tad more exciting. Three more races have already been booked, one of which, the adidas King of the Road, is in KL. That's in September. One month before that I'll be flying to KL but this time, to Taman Negara, the world's oldest tropical rainforest. I'm quite tempted to visit Bintan for another short trip to discover what I haven't had the chance to and Batam to cable-ski for a day. Also, more clubbing, yes, more booze, more dancing.
Family's fine. Friends are fine. Work's fine. My health is fine. My financial health., er, will be like wine, and grow fine with time. The world of Pop is fine.
I like how the year is unfolding slowly, revealing secrets to me about myself and my part in the world. Every step is a step in the right direction; every mistake is a step to perfection.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Building Life
Starting work makes you grow up. You don't think about the time you have left on earth until you're faced with deadlines on a daily basis. You don't think of how much money you have to make until you've got so much to be responsible for. You don't think of how much you're doing until you realise there's so much more you can do.
So sometimes when you're trapped in reality, you become selfish, believing that you deserve the best, that sacrifices aren't important, that you're more important than everything else, every ideal and being righteous. In place of that is an endless hunger and drive to have it all. It manifests itself as insatiable greed.
I was quite affected by the two pieces of news today. I remind myself that corruption gets you nowhere and money buys the least in life. Everything of value is everything you've learned to cherish.
The happiest moments have been doing great things, for others. The most memorable ones were the ones I spent with people I cared about. Fame and fortune is fun, but they can never compare to being contented, cared for, understood and togetherness.
Just like yesterday, when the four of us looked back and reminisced about FOC being the best time of our uni lives...
So sometimes when you're trapped in reality, you become selfish, believing that you deserve the best, that sacrifices aren't important, that you're more important than everything else, every ideal and being righteous. In place of that is an endless hunger and drive to have it all. It manifests itself as insatiable greed.
I was quite affected by the two pieces of news today. I remind myself that corruption gets you nowhere and money buys the least in life. Everything of value is everything you've learned to cherish.
The happiest moments have been doing great things, for others. The most memorable ones were the ones I spent with people I cared about. Fame and fortune is fun, but they can never compare to being contented, cared for, understood and togetherness.
Just like yesterday, when the four of us looked back and reminisced about FOC being the best time of our uni lives...
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Looking Forward
We're all driven by instant gratification, the satisfaction in the now. It's getting harder to look forward, to see further, to take the bitter medicine and hope for the brighter outcome. It's a social thing, as things become more instant. There's magic lost as we lose patience. We lose the ability to appreciate things that come with consistent hard work and more often than not we start feeling like lost causes. We're only engaged when at that very instant, we're speaking to more than one person at once, logged on to more than one social media platform at once, handling more than one device at once.
There's so much to learn from that old-school work ethic of thinking ahead, working hard and pushing through problems - while living in the moment yet not being consumed by it. It's the reason why love was more romantic and epic. It used to last longer too.
Sometimes being happy in the now feels like it's worth everything, now. But it's up to you to weigh the value of the "more" that the future can bring. Do everything with the purpose that it should also pay off later. Things that you grow, nurture, invest in, tend to be more meaningful in the long run so give up on distractions, on things that can only give you the "now" and look forward.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
The Cut
It's very easy to get comfortable and be at the mercy of someone else. You feel your emotions go into extremes and you get uncomfortable because you're too comfortable, that you can't imagine why you're held hostage to your emotions when they are clearly your own. You try to strike a balance and hang on to your sanity but you're not always successful. The harder you claw the more it slips away. You give and you take and you take and you give but somehow the exchange never seems enough. At least not until you feel like you're bleeding but you've got no more blood to give. You feel shortchanged but you never stop because you hope for more. One can always hope, it doesn't cost much, just logic in exchange for some disillusionment. There's beauty in clouded truth, in masked pain. It's never perfect until it contains some imperfection, some brutal scar that becomes the signature of the picture, that sticks out, that rings true, that cuts you open and makes you feel so raw. That will be something you remember forever.
That's love.
That's love.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
At Odds
I want to be in a club, music blasting, head spinning, dancing and dancing till the world ends.
I want to be by the beach, in the sun, peering at everyone behind my sunglasses, drink in hand and dreaming about nothing.
I want to be in my bed, wrapped up in the sheets, beside a hot cup of Earl Grey, holding on to my Samsung Galaxy Tab, reading, with the rain pelting down on the windows.
I want to be meeting people from all walks of life, every second of the day, indulging in priceless conversation, with me listening at rapt attention.
I want to be alone, shut everything out, maybe with a bit of music, but alone with my own thoughts, till I figure out what I'm thinking.
I want to be the one that everyone knows, that everyone is proud to know, that everyone wants to talk to, that everyone has an opinion about.
I want to be with the same group of close friends and family all the time, because I know I don't need more and they'll always be there and I can always be me.
I want to be the owner of a house on the fortieth floor with a view of the sunset, like an egg yolk sinking into the ocean, and a dog resting at my ankles.
I want to be in a village, full of children speaking a language I don't understand, waking up to the cold and the sound of chickens under my house on stilts.
I want to be a writer.
I want to be a singer.
I want to be a host.
I want to be...
Maybe I should first aim to be someone with less contradictions eh?
I want to be by the beach, in the sun, peering at everyone behind my sunglasses, drink in hand and dreaming about nothing.
I want to be in my bed, wrapped up in the sheets, beside a hot cup of Earl Grey, holding on to my Samsung Galaxy Tab, reading, with the rain pelting down on the windows.
I want to be meeting people from all walks of life, every second of the day, indulging in priceless conversation, with me listening at rapt attention.
I want to be alone, shut everything out, maybe with a bit of music, but alone with my own thoughts, till I figure out what I'm thinking.
I want to be the one that everyone knows, that everyone is proud to know, that everyone wants to talk to, that everyone has an opinion about.
I want to be with the same group of close friends and family all the time, because I know I don't need more and they'll always be there and I can always be me.
I want to be the owner of a house on the fortieth floor with a view of the sunset, like an egg yolk sinking into the ocean, and a dog resting at my ankles.
I want to be in a village, full of children speaking a language I don't understand, waking up to the cold and the sound of chickens under my house on stilts.
I want to be a writer.
I want to be a singer.
I want to be a host.
I want to be...
Maybe I should first aim to be someone with less contradictions eh?
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Personality Dilution
There's so much on social media and they come in so many different forms nowadays that I can't even keep track! I've just added Instagram to my repertoire, sticking another finger into the pie.
The thing with social media is as much as you put yourself out there, you're heavily influenced, as much as you are an influencer. There's so much out there screaming for your attention - a gossip headline, a new project, a friend's wedding, a mundane complaint, a blockbuster movie, a topless celebrity - that sometimes it's a little overwhelming.
There's so much influence and so much noise, cajoling, berating, persuading you to read certain articles, take interest in certain things or live your life a certain way. And because we're often bombarded by so many messages it's so easy to get sucked in to all that's meaningless. With that there's also a certain urge to stalk and take interest in all things that are clearly none of your business. I do it so often that I can't help myself. It's that urge to check for updates, non-stop and never giving the brain a break.
And now I feel a bit burned out.
Have we cheapened communication? I hope not. I'd like to think that I'm more informed and that the exposure makes my thoughts less one-dimensional, that I know what's going on around me, and I'm more aware of others' point-of-view. But at the same time I stop and ask myself: Why am I doing this? What am I putting out there? What am I letting in, what am I allowing to shape my beliefs and priorities?
I realise that until I know the answers, or at least make the effort to look for them, I'll just be another person blindly posting content like anybody else and contented with the illusion that somebody cares, when I know I can do much better than that.
The thing with social media is as much as you put yourself out there, you're heavily influenced, as much as you are an influencer. There's so much out there screaming for your attention - a gossip headline, a new project, a friend's wedding, a mundane complaint, a blockbuster movie, a topless celebrity - that sometimes it's a little overwhelming.
There's so much influence and so much noise, cajoling, berating, persuading you to read certain articles, take interest in certain things or live your life a certain way. And because we're often bombarded by so many messages it's so easy to get sucked in to all that's meaningless. With that there's also a certain urge to stalk and take interest in all things that are clearly none of your business. I do it so often that I can't help myself. It's that urge to check for updates, non-stop and never giving the brain a break.
And now I feel a bit burned out.
Have we cheapened communication? I hope not. I'd like to think that I'm more informed and that the exposure makes my thoughts less one-dimensional, that I know what's going on around me, and I'm more aware of others' point-of-view. But at the same time I stop and ask myself: Why am I doing this? What am I putting out there? What am I letting in, what am I allowing to shape my beliefs and priorities?
I realise that until I know the answers, or at least make the effort to look for them, I'll just be another person blindly posting content like anybody else and contented with the illusion that somebody cares, when I know I can do much better than that.
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Somewhere Only We Know
Everyone needs a safe place to make mistakes and grow. I was just talking to this kid today who sort of reminded me of myself.
I never thought of myself as the leader. I was more comfortable following. I think I make a decent follower too. I like being a team-player more than I like have the glory. I enjoy the experience of working with others on a project more than the success that follows.
But in life sometimes you end up having to make decisions for yourself. The process can be trying and annoying but it's great to know that you were the master of your destiny. You took the path chose. And that's the cool part about life. I'll never be able to sure that I get what I want but I can take the best option with all the knowledge I have at that moment and hope for the best.
It comes with practice. I would never have gotten here without being treated like a leader before I was ready to take on the role. I was never a natural in decision-making, in getting people to listen to me. I've really got to thank my education institutions, especially in my later years, for giving me the chance and molding me.
And it was then that I had opportunities to learn about myself. My leadership style. How I react under stress. What I valued. My decision-making process.
One thing though that has come naturally to me is nurturing others. And Librans crave equality, for people, who are on par with them, to keep them constantly challenged but never overpowering or smothering, always encouraging and positive. But that's for me and I'm lucky to have found people like that in my life. That's why, at the same time, I like giving people that extra push to help them achieve whatever it is they want. It's this same need that extends to why I enjoy teaching tuition but in the larger scheme of things, I'm glad to be able to give some of the younger folks I know some advice, a safe environment to make mistakes and a chance to see their decisions bear fruit and come to life.
Let's go for an adventure. Try something new, together. Bravely, we'll see what we can achieve.
I never thought of myself as the leader. I was more comfortable following. I think I make a decent follower too. I like being a team-player more than I like have the glory. I enjoy the experience of working with others on a project more than the success that follows.
But in life sometimes you end up having to make decisions for yourself. The process can be trying and annoying but it's great to know that you were the master of your destiny. You took the path chose. And that's the cool part about life. I'll never be able to sure that I get what I want but I can take the best option with all the knowledge I have at that moment and hope for the best.
It comes with practice. I would never have gotten here without being treated like a leader before I was ready to take on the role. I was never a natural in decision-making, in getting people to listen to me. I've really got to thank my education institutions, especially in my later years, for giving me the chance and molding me.
And it was then that I had opportunities to learn about myself. My leadership style. How I react under stress. What I valued. My decision-making process.
One thing though that has come naturally to me is nurturing others. And Librans crave equality, for people, who are on par with them, to keep them constantly challenged but never overpowering or smothering, always encouraging and positive. But that's for me and I'm lucky to have found people like that in my life. That's why, at the same time, I like giving people that extra push to help them achieve whatever it is they want. It's this same need that extends to why I enjoy teaching tuition but in the larger scheme of things, I'm glad to be able to give some of the younger folks I know some advice, a safe environment to make mistakes and a chance to see their decisions bear fruit and come to life.
Let's go for an adventure. Try something new, together. Bravely, we'll see what we can achieve.
Monday, February 06, 2012
Social Media Overdose
I must confess that I'm overwhelmed by social media. I'm not consumed by it because I know I can live without it. Just that I'm caught up with it. I'm on Twitter all the time and it keeps me connected. I like how I am without it, but I like how I am when I'm on it! I seem to know much more than I would. And facebook as well, though that's to a lesser extent.
Also, I do feel an obligation to reply people on various platforms and even in my earnestness to do so, I still miss out on messages here and there.
But today I learned that I need the quiet. I need to get away from it all. I need to stop multi-tasking. Social media is all about what's happening now. More often than not it values immediacy over content, skimpy headlines over depth. I need to let my brain take in one idea at a time. And then shut it off when I feel like I need a break.
I do appreciate this sense of being super-engaged, speed-reading, thinking through many things at once. But I don't know if it's part of growing older, or maybe the fact that it's supposedly more sensible, or that maybe I'm tired and I can't engage in this hyper mode any longer.
For my sanity, I'll shut off more often. Decrease the frequency. Breathe. Pick up more magazines. Look out the bus window, think my own thoughts. Daydream.
And relax. The pressure to know more is on all the time, at work, at school, during travels. It take conscious effort to do the right thing at the right time.
Also, I do feel an obligation to reply people on various platforms and even in my earnestness to do so, I still miss out on messages here and there.
But today I learned that I need the quiet. I need to get away from it all. I need to stop multi-tasking. Social media is all about what's happening now. More often than not it values immediacy over content, skimpy headlines over depth. I need to let my brain take in one idea at a time. And then shut it off when I feel like I need a break.
I do appreciate this sense of being super-engaged, speed-reading, thinking through many things at once. But I don't know if it's part of growing older, or maybe the fact that it's supposedly more sensible, or that maybe I'm tired and I can't engage in this hyper mode any longer.
For my sanity, I'll shut off more often. Decrease the frequency. Breathe. Pick up more magazines. Look out the bus window, think my own thoughts. Daydream.
And relax. The pressure to know more is on all the time, at work, at school, during travels. It take conscious effort to do the right thing at the right time.
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Right Direction
January kicked off 2012 beautifully. I didn't make hardcore resolutions to follow, but I made a couple of mental notes. I wanted to relax more. I wanted to exercise more. I wanted to focus on my work. I wanted to keep in close contact with my friends. I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to go on adventures. I wanted to be more spontaneous. I wanted to be happy.
And in general, I think I've got all of that locked down. New aspirations guided the formation of new habits. The new focus on new goals excited me. Being surrounded by inspiring people is quite exciting. Being surrounded by so much love from friends and family alike - amazing.
This is going to be a year of adventure and discovery. I've always wanted to do that, but this time I'm going to put my money and my time where my mouth is.
I've also done more reading, weaned away from reading about fashion to the environment, to things going on around in the world. The packaging is good but I've got to take in one step further and have depth. What do I stand for?
Music, exercise and nature are the three big themes this year. Haven't been too big on the music front, but I'll catch up when the music industry wakes up from its snooze-fest. Exercise - signed up for lots of runs as of now. Urbanathlon, Sun Down and a few U-Sports runs. Nature - just came back from Bintan and there's definitely going to be more, even if it's exploring Singapore.
I'm glad the year started off well. A good direction set in place for the rest of the year.
And in general, I think I've got all of that locked down. New aspirations guided the formation of new habits. The new focus on new goals excited me. Being surrounded by inspiring people is quite exciting. Being surrounded by so much love from friends and family alike - amazing.
This is going to be a year of adventure and discovery. I've always wanted to do that, but this time I'm going to put my money and my time where my mouth is.
I've also done more reading, weaned away from reading about fashion to the environment, to things going on around in the world. The packaging is good but I've got to take in one step further and have depth. What do I stand for?
Music, exercise and nature are the three big themes this year. Haven't been too big on the music front, but I'll catch up when the music industry wakes up from its snooze-fest. Exercise - signed up for lots of runs as of now. Urbanathlon, Sun Down and a few U-Sports runs. Nature - just came back from Bintan and there's definitely going to be more, even if it's exploring Singapore.
I'm glad the year started off well. A good direction set in place for the rest of the year.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Ban
I'm going to stop buying clothes. All clothes. Anything that can be worn. Includes cologne and watches. And necessities like briefs and socks. Or even sporting apparel. That's the one that really killed it for this month!
Target: 2.5 months. Go big or go home. We're in the middle of January. Two and a half months would effectively bring me to 1st April.
I'll be able to save a lot of money by then. I'm subconsciously cutting down on eating at restaurants too. Maybe the money will go to bigger dreams, greater adventures. I don't have enough space to put all my belongings as it is.
Oh, and what makes me think that I can resist the sales and the new seasons of clothes? If anyone catches me buying anything /wearing anything that you're confident I've bought after today, from now till 1st April, I'll give you double the amount of money I've spent on that item.
Let's bet on it.
Target: 2.5 months. Go big or go home. We're in the middle of January. Two and a half months would effectively bring me to 1st April.
I'll be able to save a lot of money by then. I'm subconsciously cutting down on eating at restaurants too. Maybe the money will go to bigger dreams, greater adventures. I don't have enough space to put all my belongings as it is.
Oh, and what makes me think that I can resist the sales and the new seasons of clothes? If anyone catches me buying anything /wearing anything that you're confident I've bought after today, from now till 1st April, I'll give you double the amount of money I've spent on that item.
Let's bet on it.
Saturday, January 07, 2012
New Direction
It's a new year and it's headed for a new direction. I'm no longer new to having a full time job. I've got a fixed income and gotten used to the responsibilities of a working adult. It's nice to have financial security and go in search of something more in life. An adventure perhaps.
Thanks to Firus and Derek, who by end 2011, started to give me some inspiration. I've been infected by their passion and determination. From running attire to running routes, they've been there planting ideas in my head. I've signed up for Men's Health Urbanathlon 2012 (19 Feb) and 21km for the Sundown Marathon 2012 (26 May). I've bought myself a new running attire. I'm going to buy a good pair of running shoes. I've been running very consistently with the two of them. It was great retracing familiar paths and exploring new routes. I've gone to the Waterfront, Labrador Park, Marina Bay to Kallang Riverside Park and One-north Park to Kent Ridge Park.
Not too long ago, when I was bringing my French friend around Singapore, I was always amazed by the things that there were to see, share and discover. These runs gave me the opportunity to do that - explore Singapore on foot. All the nooks and crannies, places that have been hidden away till now, always make me feel like I should have a camera with me at all times. My phone has come in handy though!
In the pipeline are plans to run the King of the Road, which will bring me to KL, Manila, Jakarta and Bangkok to cover distances of approximately 17km. The Six are also very likely to conquer Mount Kinabalu in the earlier half of this year, while I plan to make a trip down to Taiwan for 10 days.
It's nice to know that I still want to push myself and I haven't lost the spirit for adventure. I don't want a holiday to get away from work. I want to go to work, taking a break from my holidays.
Thanks to Firus and Derek, who by end 2011, started to give me some inspiration. I've been infected by their passion and determination. From running attire to running routes, they've been there planting ideas in my head. I've signed up for Men's Health Urbanathlon 2012 (19 Feb) and 21km for the Sundown Marathon 2012 (26 May). I've bought myself a new running attire. I'm going to buy a good pair of running shoes. I've been running very consistently with the two of them. It was great retracing familiar paths and exploring new routes. I've gone to the Waterfront, Labrador Park, Marina Bay to Kallang Riverside Park and One-north Park to Kent Ridge Park.
Not too long ago, when I was bringing my French friend around Singapore, I was always amazed by the things that there were to see, share and discover. These runs gave me the opportunity to do that - explore Singapore on foot. All the nooks and crannies, places that have been hidden away till now, always make me feel like I should have a camera with me at all times. My phone has come in handy though!
In the pipeline are plans to run the King of the Road, which will bring me to KL, Manila, Jakarta and Bangkok to cover distances of approximately 17km. The Six are also very likely to conquer Mount Kinabalu in the earlier half of this year, while I plan to make a trip down to Taiwan for 10 days.
It's nice to know that I still want to push myself and I haven't lost the spirit for adventure. I don't want a holiday to get away from work. I want to go to work, taking a break from my holidays.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I've Learnt
2011's coming to an end so it's time to look back, reflect. I'm grateful for having the opportunity to grow up, for picking my own battles... something which I have been able to do upon entering university. And in the course of this year, I've gone from being an undergrad to a working adult! More paths to take, more to discover, more to learn.
And maybe it'd be apt to look at what I've learnt this year.
I've learnt that music is not what I thought it to be. I've enjoyed stuff that's less mainstream. It doesn't matter if other people don't listen to the same thing. But that's not to say I've neglected Pop. Was still singing to almost every song that charted on Billboard during mahjong yesterday!
I've learnt that I'm a team-player. I surprised myself earlier this year by being able to pull my weight in the project. It gave me confidence to get things done and was a really great experience because of how tough it was. I'll never forget packing endless goodie bags, or staying up for 48 hours to finish the report!
I've learnt that I'm not the most hardworking person. I'm not the most creative person. Inspiration and effort comes in spurts. With some focus I can channel it and maybe something great will come out of it! I can be hardcore when I need to!
I've learnt that as much as I enjoy sports and exercise, I've plateaued no thanks to the fact that I haven't been very adventurous nor extremely dedicated. But I'm thankful that I've found people who'll motivate me to take it to the next level. I foresee that next year will be more exciting, with events such as the Urbanathlon lined up. Not getting any younger and this will be the most physically fit that I'll ever be. I only have now. And I'm going to make sure that now = my best.
I've learnt earlier on how to manage money and time. I've always been big on planning and scheduling. Packing lots of activities. Purchasing lots of stuff with my tuition money! I haven't achieved it yet, but I'm on the cusp of the next step - prioritising. Knowing that I don't need to have it all. Knowing that doing nothing is sometimes, everything.
I've learnt that relationships are tough. There're people whom I were inseparable with earlier in the year that I don't talk to now. There're new people that I enjoy getting to know. Yes, relationships. Sometimes, it's about being persistent. Maybe being together is never knowing when to let go.
I've learnt that I've a lot to learn. I've been pushing for myself to see the world, to understand cultures, to accept a different way of life, to find out different perspectives, to realise that what I know is not enough. It's important to be like a sponge, to put yourself in the best position to learn - to not get comfortable, to not be overconfident.
More often than not learning is painful and frustrating. But it keeps you on your toes. That's what life's about. And it's that's what I want to continue to do in 2012.
And maybe it'd be apt to look at what I've learnt this year.
I've learnt that music is not what I thought it to be. I've enjoyed stuff that's less mainstream. It doesn't matter if other people don't listen to the same thing. But that's not to say I've neglected Pop. Was still singing to almost every song that charted on Billboard during mahjong yesterday!
I've learnt that I'm a team-player. I surprised myself earlier this year by being able to pull my weight in the project. It gave me confidence to get things done and was a really great experience because of how tough it was. I'll never forget packing endless goodie bags, or staying up for 48 hours to finish the report!
I've learnt that I'm not the most hardworking person. I'm not the most creative person. Inspiration and effort comes in spurts. With some focus I can channel it and maybe something great will come out of it! I can be hardcore when I need to!
I've learnt that as much as I enjoy sports and exercise, I've plateaued no thanks to the fact that I haven't been very adventurous nor extremely dedicated. But I'm thankful that I've found people who'll motivate me to take it to the next level. I foresee that next year will be more exciting, with events such as the Urbanathlon lined up. Not getting any younger and this will be the most physically fit that I'll ever be. I only have now. And I'm going to make sure that now = my best.
I've learnt earlier on how to manage money and time. I've always been big on planning and scheduling. Packing lots of activities. Purchasing lots of stuff with my tuition money! I haven't achieved it yet, but I'm on the cusp of the next step - prioritising. Knowing that I don't need to have it all. Knowing that doing nothing is sometimes, everything.
I've learnt that relationships are tough. There're people whom I were inseparable with earlier in the year that I don't talk to now. There're new people that I enjoy getting to know. Yes, relationships. Sometimes, it's about being persistent. Maybe being together is never knowing when to let go.
I've learnt that I've a lot to learn. I've been pushing for myself to see the world, to understand cultures, to accept a different way of life, to find out different perspectives, to realise that what I know is not enough. It's important to be like a sponge, to put yourself in the best position to learn - to not get comfortable, to not be overconfident.
More often than not learning is painful and frustrating. But it keeps you on your toes. That's what life's about. And it's that's what I want to continue to do in 2012.
Friday, December 09, 2011
Being Whole
Before you fall in love, you need to be whole. You've got to have your own hobbies, you've got to take time into your own hands. You need your own friends, you need to have your own dreams.
When you fall in love, you take someone else into your life. It's a duty to make the other person happy, but it's also your duty to make sure you don't lose yourself. You're not there to make the other person complete. And you shouldn't need someone else to feel complete either. You must be able to live with the new rules that you come up with together.
Sure, there is compromise and you might find new hobbies together, having less time for yourself, your friends and even adjusting your dreams to fit two, instead of one.
But relationships are always haunted by doubt, fear and insecurity. One can only overcome that when he has got something to share, when he is whole and not finding a quick fix for the gaping hole in his life. So don't throw yourself at others and more often than not, we're not impressed with people throwing themselves at us.
When faced with love, step forth cautiously and get to know what you want. If there's chemistry, it'll see you through.
When you fall in love, you take someone else into your life. It's a duty to make the other person happy, but it's also your duty to make sure you don't lose yourself. You're not there to make the other person complete. And you shouldn't need someone else to feel complete either. You must be able to live with the new rules that you come up with together.
Sure, there is compromise and you might find new hobbies together, having less time for yourself, your friends and even adjusting your dreams to fit two, instead of one.
But relationships are always haunted by doubt, fear and insecurity. One can only overcome that when he has got something to share, when he is whole and not finding a quick fix for the gaping hole in his life. So don't throw yourself at others and more often than not, we're not impressed with people throwing themselves at us.
When faced with love, step forth cautiously and get to know what you want. If there's chemistry, it'll see you through.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Focus
"Listening to the song Brandon mentioned in my mind, thinking of the article Ros shared on Dhubai in my head, dreaming of the places Dylon wants to travel to... Focus, avoid excess, don't believe all the bullshit you see, sometimes the lie of the truth is the most honest."
Wrote this on my Facebook yesterday and was motivated to blog but the feeling escaped me. So I'll put this here, just to give me a feel of what I wanted to say.
Music's a huge part of my life. Brandon talked about Paradise by Coldplay being so haunting that he had to delete it from his iPod. I heard Ode To My Family by The Cranberries on the bus today. I had shivers down my spine and it felt like I was getting stabbed by glass deep inside but I listened to it anyway. Music moves me in a special way.
The article about Dubai was beyond amazing. I have to read it again! It's what good writing is about - bringing the reader to a new place. Exploring unknown land, new ground. But at the same time, to take a stand. Take a stand against the injustice that's happening around the world and persuade others to do the same. This article was widely shared on Facebook and I guess it deserves a re-read and if I can, another entry.
Dylon wrote, "Seattle, Christina Yang, Space Needles, Miranda Bailey, Starbucks, Dylon, Destination, Trip, Cheap Tickets, 2 weeks, Alone." Culture. TV. Travel. Things that I hold close to me, that make me who I am. And yes, getting to know of different places makes me want to travel there to discover them for myself. And discover myself. I crave the adventure. I want to document, to take photos, to write, to let people see the world the way I see it.
I need to cut down on the excess. Distillate. Find the essence of what I need to become. And work towards that.
Wrote this on my Facebook yesterday and was motivated to blog but the feeling escaped me. So I'll put this here, just to give me a feel of what I wanted to say.
Music's a huge part of my life. Brandon talked about Paradise by Coldplay being so haunting that he had to delete it from his iPod. I heard Ode To My Family by The Cranberries on the bus today. I had shivers down my spine and it felt like I was getting stabbed by glass deep inside but I listened to it anyway. Music moves me in a special way.
The article about Dubai was beyond amazing. I have to read it again! It's what good writing is about - bringing the reader to a new place. Exploring unknown land, new ground. But at the same time, to take a stand. Take a stand against the injustice that's happening around the world and persuade others to do the same. This article was widely shared on Facebook and I guess it deserves a re-read and if I can, another entry.
Dylon wrote, "Seattle, Christina Yang, Space Needles, Miranda Bailey, Starbucks, Dylon, Destination, Trip, Cheap Tickets, 2 weeks, Alone." Culture. TV. Travel. Things that I hold close to me, that make me who I am. And yes, getting to know of different places makes me want to travel there to discover them for myself. And discover myself. I crave the adventure. I want to document, to take photos, to write, to let people see the world the way I see it.
I need to cut down on the excess. Distillate. Find the essence of what I need to become. And work towards that.
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