AltLife S01E04 - Hoo-Ha

"He does not want to have sex with me!" complained Rachel as slammed her half-empty can of Tiger on the table. I didn't know what to say. And Justin busied himself with providing the can with a coaster.

"Dude, a coaster for a can is just weird!"

"Are you people listening to me?" breathed Rachel menacingly. Her bosom was throbbing angrily in the low-cut red top. I tried to focus, but Justin was the one who managed to get words out of his mouth.

"You've been together for 3 months. He's hot. You're hot. Clearly, something's wrong."

"Do you not think I know? I have never dated without sex for more than 3 weeks. This is ridiculous!"

"You're ridiculous," I countered. "Why are you judging the relationship based whether you getlaid?"

"Is he religious or something?" asked Justin, who was getting quite bored. Talking about sex appealed to him. The lack of sex however, was a more pointless topic than local politics.

"No! I don't know!"

"He believes in sex after marriage?" asked Justin again. He had a lot of questions for someone who wasn't interested.

"People hardly believe in marriage any more. Why would any one believe in... that? You know what just call him and ask," I suggested.

"Now?"

"Save us the agony. Now," said Justin as he tossed Rachel her pink Samsung. Shrugging, she went off into a corner and made her call. Justin finished the rest of the Tiger and started humming Love, Sex and Magic. I thought of how I was teaching for a living and missing out on all the chicks I should be making friends with. Or making love with. Against the hard wooden...

"He promised his mom not to have sex till he was married," whispered Rachel.

"What?"

"Dump his sorry ass!" shouted Justin with great gusto. "We're humans. We have needs. They need to be met." In the most Tyra-like manner he could muster, he continued, "He must go back immediately, pack his belongings and go home."

"She can't dump him because of that!"

"He's great. In every way," whispered Rachel. I felt bad but I actually suspected that she was whispering with every intent of making it as dramatic as possible. I tried to keep a straight face.

"Now you," said Justin, wagging his finger at me, "do not get to give opinions. You would dump a girl if she didn't sleep with you during the first date! And you! Stop being dramatic!"

"But I can't dump him! He's the one!" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Listen to me. You guys don't see eye to eye on this and this, is a huge issue. There shouldn't be a big hoo-ha. Everyone should just get theirs. This is just silly." He went over and put an arm around Rachel. "When you're married you worry about other stuff... working out your finances, taking care of family, supporting each other through deaths of loved ones... serious stuff like that. Sex is something you work on and practise and make good before getting married."

"Imagine a troubled marriage and bad sex," I shuddered.