Stability

I need to sleep but I always put blogging at the end of the list of things that I have to do because writing is kind of like giving birth - painful and satisfying at the same time. Not that I would know of course. It's just a fucking metaphor.

Being a Libran, there's an internal scale in me. I'm not prone to extremes in behavior, or at least I like to think of myself that way. (This is related to my views on the ending of Inception - how my believes and perception are one but that's another entry altogether.) Life's been crazy of late - I've stepped foot on 3 countries in a matter of two weeks, done things that haven't done. There's this struggle to get back into routine and have a bit of the predictable, boring life, possibly following the schedule of next semester's time table which has yet to be confirmed. There's been too much of the new and exciting. I need a bit more comfort in the familiar.

That's just the way I am. There're always these periods of life where it goes into manic mode and I get overexposed to new people, new things, new perspectives and then just before it overwhelms me, I go into hiding to give myself some time away from this "new".

An old friend of mine once told me to invest in human relationships more than anything else. I always thought he was a bit extreme with regards to this but now, I feel, he's probably right. The things that give us the most satisfaction are our bonds with others and not things things. I'm glad to have people around me to provide me with this stability.

Someone I talked to today also questioned if this search for excitement acts to distract us from our own emo-ness. I can't say I agree because I'm not exactly the emo kind but I constantly seek adventure or "new" stuff, but possibly this is true of me as well. I wouldn't know what I would do if I wasn't leading life with a bit of crazy.

Yet another person (yes I have been talking to many people) talked to me about death last night. His belief is rather close to mine... the scientific one... that we are just gone when we die. I freak out whenever this topic is discussed. I get the chills and that deep sinking feeling. I remember being young and asking my parents about it and they answered the best they could but the truth is, no one really knows what happens. And it freaks me out. It just pushes me to live a bit more on the edge than I should, to expect more from my own life and to hope that at the end of the day that I've left something behind in the world or at least made a difference to others. That's what I live by.

I don't know if I've deviated too much from what I started writing about but this might be a case of adult adolescence. Stability possibly won't come till I'm a bit older and I should just enjoy the rollercoaster that I'm on now. As David Wygant says, "Your moods may change too; this is something I particularly remember about my 20s. That’s why you may tend to get a little depressed at times and more introspective. But don’t beat yourself up. Don’t be hard on yourself. Understand that you’re going to be fine. You’re going to have an amazing, kick-ass, unbelievable life, especially if you look at your 20s as a time to make mistakes, learn, grow, and figure yourself out in order to plan for a great future."