Lost Ship to the Lighthouse

Let us fly
Soar high up in the sky
Hand in hand we go
Heart in heart we grow

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

- Rudyard Kipling

Your Love

If you see your love everyday
Make every moment special
Don't get bored

If you don't have a love
It's not because you aren't hot
Wait for the right TA

If you only get your love on weekends
Phone-kiss him on Monday
Shag him on Sunday

If your love is silly and doesn't get you
Be determined and get her to change
Let go when she stops trying

If your love has a big ego
Leave him
It doesn't compensate for his small dick

If your love lives a different life from you
Don't fight about things that made you
Make her build the future with you

If your love makes you a meal at 3AM
He'll need to stay in bed till 4PM
Perfect excuse to reward him with action between sheets before nightfall

If your love is fat and unwilling to run
Don't watch porn
Screw her hot best friend

If your love goes camping at Ubin with you
And she absolutely hates creepy crawlies
Make her laugh and scream when you see one

If your love is 10 732km away
You've beaten the odds by finding him
The fairytale ending is yours

If your love forgives you
Kiss him till his lips are numb
He's decided his pain is nothing compared to your love

If your love loves you
Like no one ever would
Don't ever let go

Ugly, Disease, Love, Revenge

When something familiar is no longer there
Hope gives way to tears and despair
I search among the torn remains
For something that won't cause me pain
But no longer can I rely solely on
The things I had because now they're gone
I search again for something more
To keep me sane and keep me warm
A kiss or hug would be nice
But waiting for them would not suffice
The best way is to live my life
And learn how to juggle with knives
That get thrown by Cupid and fate
I'll learn to call a spade a spade
Stay true to myself till that day comes
When I'll be free and I finally

Find someone

Who'd be the last hand
That ever holds mine

- Anonymous

And In Turn

If I can't take it should I say no
And let go
Or hold on and wait
Do I have what it takes
To do what hurts for me
Because of my love for you
To place your happiness before mine
Because what I want to see
Is you
Smiling at me

I don't know why I can't
I wonder if time will make me better
A better friend
A better man
A better lover

Self-centered
I want you to be here for me
Every time of day
When I know that it's not possible
Because we're two seperate people
Sharing something that will hopefully make us one
Someday

If it's as easy as choosing your favourite pet
To love it and expect that it'll love you back
For every flaw you ever have
If only I'd believe the things I tell myself
If only my heart would obey when I tell it not to feel this way
Bitter
Helpless
And fucking angry

So I sit here
Torn by how I feel and how I should feel
Yearning for your touch, your attention
Your voice, your essence
And when it's okay
It'll all be sweet
Again

For The Record II

FOR THE RECORD


Frivolity was
Never worth our money saliva words;
In depth we find the meaning of
Love –
the elusive, the simple.
The accompaniment in our cradle, the
Pot of gold at the end of
Infinity;
Forever, we grab clutch grapple for the
End of that infinity. Mere
Mortal fools, but
In foolishness we find the meaning of
Friendship –
The irreplaceable, the essential.
The hand that will see us through.

Beer and chips and conversation;
I know I’m a bad story teller,
But tell me,
tell me,
and I will listen.

by Ros S

I guess

I guess

And I guess you thought
You had it thought
Out. Things that are
visceral and
base permeate everything;
so you say.
So you say.
Nothing transcends beyond basic human instincts,
refined thought is but fantasy for the
Indulgent. Truth exists in the most
Selfish and vulgar of forms;
Nothing else matters.

And I,
I guess,
I guess,
You had it thought out.

by Ros S

The Darkness

Sound of the piano plays
As I sit in the dark
Emotions dragged out of me
Like flashes in front of my eyes
Raw, bare
Tender

I try hard
To ignore
The negative
Only to feel that I’m grasping on
Nothing

The fans are still
The curtains unmoving
The haunting shadow of the window grill on the wall

Lines
Ending abruptly
Light
Weak
Sprawled over nowhere
Darkness
Enveloping

The strings begin
With its bows tugging at my heart
A sudden pause
I stop
I’m tempted to release it all in a flood
That I would not be able to hold back

But control
I would not like to lose
But the air is not moving
The temperature is rising
But I need comfort
In a form I cannot fathom
But to keep looking would be foolish
I should just sleep it off
But the music keeps playing
Thoughts in my head keep running

My throat is dry
Saliva doesn’t soothe it
It hurts more when I swallow
My thumb twitches involuntarily
There’s screaming and shouting
When all I want is my own corner
To drown in my
Own

Displeasure

Dissatisfaction

Unhappiness

Pain

To face up to them
So I can be free again.

New Day

I rub my eyes before opening them to a brand new day
I hesitate, before typing what I want to say
As much as I want everday to be a blast
And live like each one was my last
I am trapped in my schedule
The relentless routine.

When every page of the story seems to look the same
I wonder if my life deserves to be this plain
Drowing in the pursuit of materialistic wants
When all I wanna do is dance
I am trapped by society's views
Having to work by its rules

I wish I could tell myself that every day I wake up to is magical
And that every moment alive and breathing is one to be cherished
But there's no escape from the monotony of all our busy lives
And that some moments are just passing time
As I struggle to hold on to good moments that come to me
And the special ones that I help to create for myself
The unpredictable things that happen and try to bring me down
Sometimes get the better of me, like now

I try to make sense of all the little disappointments
Learn from them, and brush them off
Don't expect to much, surprises will come your way
I wish that you'll have your share of it today

Bitch

She's a bitch,
Damn, she won't let me go.
Holding on to me,
Like a dog to a bone.

She's a bitch,
Yeah, cos we all say so.
Making her masters happy,
Their dicks she blows.

She's a bitch,
Nah, you won't say no.
Won't save me from this torture,
She'd rather watch her toenails grow.

She's a bitch,
Bloody muthafuckin ho.
Ain't no words gon make it better,
I'm that despondent, bro.

She's a bitch,
Damn, she won't let me go.
Holding on to me,
Like a dog to a bone.

Life Moves Fast

Listening to the moans of a dying old woman is scary.
It's perhaps one of the greatest forms of torture.
Because the pain it inflicts is indescribable,
Especially if it comes from one you know and love.

It makes you scared of the future.
It teaches you to make the most of what you have now.
It warns you to take good care of your health.
It insists that you cherish what you have.
Because when Death comes a-knocking,
No amount of fear or regret will be able to ward it away.

I don't want to miss out on the things that make me happy.
I don't want to live a life without accomplishments.
I don't want to know how I'd be like when I'm 70.
I don't want to wait till it's too late.

Perhaps I need to learn how strike a balance between living for now,
And taking care of the future.
But all that clouds my mind now is the endless pain and suffering,
Of my grandmother on the hospital bed.

I had this dream last night about someone accusing my sister of stealing a bike. And instead of being my usual self, I was hurling vulgarities at the person and giving her the middle finger. First of all, it made me realise how much I valued my sister. We were talking a bit just before sleeping, one of the few conversations we shared ever since I entered the army. Then there's the very obvious message that hit me - I spend too much time bottling up my feelings. There's been countless times during the past month that I want to shout "You fucking cheebye!" at someone, but managed to keep it under control and play it cool. I don't want things to spiral out of hand. However I guess I failed to realise that sometimes that making your pain heard is also a solution - just that I don't have the guts to use it.

I've always believe in peace and being nice so much that I know people take advantage of me a little. Of course, I'm okay with that, as long as I know that the person would do the same thing for me in return. That's the only thing that would save me from breaking down. I think in life, we should always be experimental and try what works for us, and it also leads down the path of self-discovery. The army is where you get to see many different personalities at work and then get to choose who you want to be in the face of all the interaction.

I guess I could live with who I am, because I value morals, but I'm not exactly the most popular person because I'm not the PR machine, or the funny guy, or the one who takes everything lightly. However, if someone needs help (seriously, as in he's doing something and he needs help, not I-can't-be-bothered-so-I-need-help) I would never turn them down. But it makes me fucking judgemental - afterall, who am I to say which of them need help and who doesn't? Yet the energy I have is not infinite, I need to choose who I give it to.

I guess I need to learn not to hate those who play the game of life using means that I don't agree with.

I have no initiative when getting to know people, or interacting with them. Instead I choose to first observe their behavior and judge if they are worth knowing. I believe in paying back (many times) if people have done something good for me, or take the initiative when I'm down or by myself to come talk to me. I'm a passive person. I'll admit to that.

I guess I'll conclude by saying that I can't wait to ORD. I need to start afresh. But the people who've made a difference in my life, I won't ever forget. I need to move on, but I'm always being dragged down by being where I don't want to be. I want to live my life, because I see that everyone's got limited sand in their hourglass, and you don't know when it'll run out.

I just want to be happy.

Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.
Some people realise them, some people don't.
Some people admit to them, some people deny.
Mistakes come when we aren't thinking.
I don't think I'd make one on purpose.
Because when mistakes hurt the people you love, there's regret.
And the only way to take it away is forgiveness.
I'm willing to learn.
And I'm willing to make up for it.
Am I on my way to receiving yours?

Wasted

Broken glass
Drops of blood
A dead rose
Dried petals with mud

Time is nothing
But what you make of it
Life has meaning
If you bother to reflect on it

Shattered windows
Rain crashing in
A toppled wine glass
A deadly sin

Minute by minute
Life ebbing away
Time passses slowly
As the mind runs astray

Punishment,
Fear.
Take me away.
Trapped,
Lost.
Need an escape.
Hope,
Gone.
Please take me away.
Time,
Wasted.
I need an escape.
Life,
Worthless.
I need to be free.
Destiny,
Unfulfilled.
Don't let it be.

Time is nothing
But what you make of it
Life has meaning
If only you reflect on it

Shards of glass
Dripping with blood
A solitary soul
So lost and so alone

The Confusion

An old poem I wrote some time ago... which I dug out today. I haven't written in a long while and I doubt I can do something like this again.

The Confusion

Split personality.
Do you know me?
I'm quiet
I can be loud

Diggin' diggin'
Trying to know
WhatLies beneath

Screamin' screamin'
Free
The real me

Confusion

Rottin' rottin'
In the class full of people

Strugglin' strugglin'
To stand out

-jkyh 16th April 2003