Moderation

The sky is falling.

I'm giving up because I feel no attachment. I don't deserve this and I'm trying not to be negative but I've fallen into this silly hole. This silly trap that is my own making. But I'm unable to see through nor see past it. I'm restricted by my narrow-mindedness. And yes they are no longer deserving of me. Truly. I want this to be over. Even though it's a commitment thing but what I am choosing to do about it is an act of self-preservation! I am swamped with work. It's so bad that I can't go through a day without worry or doing something that's related to academia or earning money from tuition. I need time out, time off. I can't continue this way. I'm having the life sucked out of me.

I don't know what I can do about it. I'm confused.

I need someone to hold up the sky with me.

I am glad you're here.

Will Not Waver

6 more posts to my 1000th post on blogspot. I've got about 640 posts on Opendiary, and I've written there since I was in Lower Secondary. More on the significance of all that when I've reached that 1000th post.

The more I study about film, the more I realise that it parallels real life. Drama is based on real life anyway, but when it's on screen it seems even more real than real. From that moment we are in the theatre we believe what we see. Or the TV for that matter.

I feel like I'm in the thick of drama and it has never stopped. Instead it sped up, especially after it spiralled out of control from the beginning of Year 2. Like the study of every good character, I'm trying to see the patterns of my mistakes, why I do what I do... There's a pattern and therefore there are some general causes make me react the way I do - rejecting people, wanting to be alone, indulge in TV serials and search for the truth in my head.

These are just obstacles in the way of me becoming who I want to be. I see a difference in the way I do things. There is change. The central character is thwarted but it will only make him more motivated. His determination will not waver.

These are tough messy times. Wants and needs. Others' wants and needs. Selfishness. Selflessness. Human beings are complex creatures. Sometimes having beliefs and traits that clash with each other, that I struggle to understand.

Bullish CNY

This CNY

I prayed as is customary for us to do so when it's CNY. I wished for peace and good health and contentment. I've realised as far as this goes, I only do it once a year, so it would be frivolous to waste it on really unimportant things.

Yes, nothing less than world peace.

Oh but I forgot to ask for triple winnings in mahjong as well. Oh man. Shoot! Well I'm sure it'd be compensated in some other way... =)

Happy Niu Year!

The Reader

The Reader was a hell of a movie to kick off my cinematic adventures for 2009. A riveting storyline combined with masterful performances by Ralph Fiennes, Kate Winslet and David Kross made this movie a thoroughly thrilling experience and well-worth it's $39 ticket price ($22 cab, $7 night rider, $10 ticket).

It's got universal themes like truth and love, but more importantly literacy and morality. Various questions popped into my mind throughout the movie. It made me think of the things I took for granted like peace and the ability to read. I really applaud Kross for his bravery as well as Winslet's incredible screen presence.

The one thing that I really appreciated the most was their honesty in their portrayal of the characters. They made it look easy, obviously because of how much effort they've put into bringing them to life. The performances were stellar. Every frame on them portrayed mixed, layered emotions. The script was successful in its economical dialogue and also because of how much was being shown when there wasn't any talking.

My favourite moments and they were quite a few but for the sake of fairness I'll name one from each of the leads - Kross when he was displaying faith, honesty and innocence one feels with first love, Winslet's eyes spoks volumes when her character decided with great determination to learn how to read and Fiennes devotion to creating the tapes in reminiscence of the past.

I held my breath at various parts of the movie, covered my face in others and yet in other scenes, heard a couple of sobs in the cinema. I could relate to how they felt and their decisions to the situations that I, they, faced, which made me think of my own.

A small bit of trivia - Sydney Pollack was a producer of the movie and he passed away last year, before the completion of the movie. Incidentally he directed Tootsie in 1982, a film which I'm studying now for one of my film modules. The man's done great work. I think I'll look up the other stuff he's made and watch them some time.

Rating: 5/5

Reminder to Self

When you've got no money start living like you're poor.