Making Friends

I'm terrible at making friends. I'm rubbish at taking initiative, finding common topics to talk about, entertaining, making jokes, and the list goes on. So I usually take the passive approach. I sit and wait, stare into space, pretend to look busy with my handphone or listen to music. That's basically what I do when I'm stuck in situations that require me to socialise. The worst part is that most people find me dao at first sight, especially when I don't smile. I take a long while to warm up to people, but somehow I will end up in a group of people who I click well with. I suppose most of the time it's by luck, but seeing how lucky I am thus far, I'm not really motivated to change my strategy of getting to know people. The only problem with it is that it gets super lonely at the beginning until when the stars align and someone starts talking to you.

It is one of the few things that I don't dare to take a chance (cue Abba - take a chance take a chance take a chance on me) on. I'd rather have a few couple of rounds on a rollercoaster, puke my guts out than open my big mouth and introduce myself.

I'm shy. Okay, I can hear the people who know me jeering already. Maybe slightly introverted? I get really crazy with people I know well so I'm definitely not quiet. I have no reason as to why I've turned out like this, because as far as I know I wasn't always this socially retareded. I struggle to think of a time or a situation that caused the change but I can't.

It's the same with people asking me out. I guess I'm scared of being turned down. Rarely do I ask first. But most of the time it's okay, because I do have quite a lot of activities planned. I know that I've turned some people down more than once and used the reason that they've got to ask me, "a week in advance", which makes me sound full of myself. Luckily for me I've got good friends who don't give up that easily. In exchange, once I've agreed on something, I'll not forget it, I'll not disappear at the last minute or come up with some lame excuse to worm out of it. I put my mind, heart and soul into outings with my friends. It's not just a time to have fun but to learn from each other's lives, to interact and to share. I guess that's the reason that I've got people asking me out even though it's fucking frustrating to do so.

All I can say is that I'm grateful for your patience towards my attitude.

I'm not selfish, nor stuck up (although I used to be). I guess the fear of taking the first step stems from some deep insecurity that I can't figure out.

It'll be really interesting to see what kind of situation I'll get myself in when Uni starts in less than a month.