Time-Conscious

I'm that guy with a plan. Maybe I don't always follow that plan but I take comfort in having a plan. I know what I'm going to doing now, 1 hour from now, 1 day from now, 1 week from now, 1 year from now. I know with precision that surprises and frightens some people. I want to be sure that I'm making use of time. It gives me direction and purpose.

I do enjoy slacking around too, but most of the time it doesn't really cut it. I feel compulsion to actively seek stuff. (Hunter's instincts maybe?) The plan lets me know whether I'm balancing my pursuits, whether I'm moving forward and whether I am spending my time getting what I really want. I don't want to bop along with time and let it wash me onto the shore of an unknown island with no Glee! My goals may change with time but I'm more than aware that my every action now will lead to a specific consequence - the books I read, the websites I visit, the people I spend time with.

I look back and I realise how much everything I've done in the past has led me to where I am now. So far I'm happy but it only motivates me more because it lets me know that this "looking forward" is the compass to my "right track".

Yeah, I like to keep myself busy.

Of course there are cons. I'm inflexible with the schedule. I'm not very spontaneous. In fact I not spontaneous at all. I'm too eager to fill the planner and on the days I don't meet people, I expect not to meet anybody and just to stay home and hide. (Also includes refusing to eat outside with parents.) It's kind of strange, this expectation. It makes me insist on things going my way and getting frustrated when it doesn't.

I guess I feel this way about time because I feel it slipping away. I have thoughts of how it would be like to be dead. Possibly a whole lot of... nothing? And it drives me I guess, sometimes not as much as I would like, but it does. When I'm not doing something I feel that other people are doing something. They're reading, they're studying, they're learning, they're having fun, they're travelling, they're making money, they're making love, they're living life!

That second-lower class honours that I'm going to get next year will end my 4 years of life in NTU and after that I'll be going on a 2-month grad trip. I'll come back and continue with tuition till the end of the year and go for another trip, possibly to Taiwan. Hopefully in 2011, I'll get a job.

I'm not sure if I've got my competitiveness and priorities in the right place.

But I think I've got my heart in the right place. Hopefully that'll count for something.