Solitude

I laid comfortably on the deck chair and set my eyes on the Orion belt sparkling in the night sky. The stars weren't shining as brightly as I would've liked, but it isn't eveyday that the stars were visible anyway. The patio was slightly wet from the light shower that occurred just a couple of hours ago. Thankfully the sky looked clear as I opened my book and submerged myself in the complicated lives of holiday representatives in Ibiza and their crazy sex lives.

No wonder the book's described as 'a contemporary trash classic'.

In the background, softly playing on my laptop that was hooked up to the simple 2.1 sound system of my jet black Creative speakers, was Jolin crooning 懷念. I hummed distractedly along to it for awhile until it ended. In its place was a track whose lyrics seemed to impart worldly knowledge when it proclaimed, "沒有一個人 非要另一個人 才能過一生". Subconsciously, I nodded my head in agreement before flipping the page and reading about Brad's scandalous romp with Patricia.

The cool breeze felt great as it rustled the hairs of my sideburn and swirled past my ears. After awhile, my eyes felt a little tired so I dropped the book lightly on the floor and reached out to the sidetable and gripped the ear of my Coffee Bean cup. Slowly, I tipped the cup till its warm contents reached my lips. The delicious-smelling mocha was intoxicating. I couldn't help myself and gulped it down greedily.

The beverage cheered me up and brought a little respite. However unsettling thoughts forced their way back into my mind as I thought of the mistakes I'd made and all the relationships that I'd ripped apart with my own hands.

I like to receive, but never give enough in return.

I thought of the words I'd read on Amos' blog awhile ago and was surprised with the realisation at how apt it was at describing how I felt. I shuddered at the coincidence, but nonetheless forced myself to revisit those words.

"Maybe its time to stop disappearing, stop being so high and lofty. We should be like a falling star, coming down to Earth. Although we can see everything from up above, you will never know anything observing all the time. You have to be one with the people to know and to feel.

A falling star that will illuminate the night sky for a brilliant moment before being one with the Earth. to announce that you are indeed here and that you have come to stake your place on this world too."

I put my hands on my head and rubbed my temples forcefully for what seemed like a long time.

I picked up the book again and tossed the nasty thoughts to the back of my mind. I can't change past, I can only learn and hope to do better in the future. There's only so many times I can apologise to the people that I've let down...

I rested the book on my chest and closed my eyes. The cool wind caressed me all over, like a sweet embrace. The music seemed to get softer and softer as I drifted into deep, dreamless slumber.