Final Tag

Today I received a call from the Hall Office telling me that I was offered a double room from the place that I called home for the past 2 years.

And I turned it down.

I rightfully deserved a place in hall. There was no way I was going to go through the uncertainty of wondering if I would be able to stay. I should get a place because of my contribution to hall, so since it has been decided that I was not worthy to get a place in the rec list, I quit both DND and FOC. Now that the offer has come up, I certainly don't deserve to stay having no contribution to make.

Let some deluded soul take my place.

It has come to a point where I don't want to hear any explanations because what is done, is done. I've taken a drastic step because there's no reason for me to be treated like crap.

Publications subcomm where I burned my dec hols and asking me to do stuff so close to the exams and then rejecting it a day after saying it was good? Dance, staying up late to rehearse during the semester? And coming in second? FOC, my $60? DND, let's not even go there.

I have my pride. I want to be wanted. I'm not going to grovel. I'm not going to beg.

For those responsible for the decision, I really don't want to see your face ever again. I haven't been this "petty" in a long time, but if you think what you did is right (or worse that there is nothing you can do about it), I'm sure you can live with me hating your guts.

The only people I would like to apologise to are the seniors who had faith in me. And maybe just a handful of people from my batch. I'm sorry I let you down and that I'm not a better person.

you may hate me but it ain't no lie
bye bye bye

More Makan

Last week, the making of Makang Book 2 brought us to the coffee shop at Sheng Shiong, just outside NTU. We tried the Thai Food, which was incredibly awesome.







The chief chef was friendly and very tanned from his recent fishing trip. Because of his dark complexion, he refused to take a photo and volunteered another chef instead.

After the 4 of us shared that, we went to the very famous Boon Lay Nasi Lemak. Yes, it needs no introduction. The very moment the stall opened the queue remained at this length.









What impressed me was their warmth. The treated customers like friends and they were always smiling. It isn't an easy job dealing with so many people who expect so much from the food and service, but these guys took it all in their stride. It is their personality that keeps the customers coming back for more.

Food Porn

To evoke desire and longing is a challenging task. I'm not that awesome with a DSLR as some people believe. I had fun using the Pedro's Sony alpha though. In time I'll get one of my own.

The compilation of the Makanbook has been trying but working with people like these that make it worth the time. The nice people at Can A's Nasi Padang stall gave us more than we could finish!

Hope you didn't see this on an empty stomach!

Move On

I met up with Shuming on Tuesday. We talked a lot but what stood out for me was her telling me that not everybody and not every thing is worth my time. I should do what makes me happy now. There's no need to think unnecessarily far into the future. Despite technology allowing us to do much more, we are more aware than ever that our time here is limited and we'll never get to do everything that we want to do, so it's a mad rush to do everything. To earn money. To travel. To find someone to love and settle down with.

But, quoting the cliche, it's not the destination but the journey. And the most important thing is enjoying that journey.

She inspired me to take a step forward and make plans, take charge and dare to move on.

I met Ness yesterday. She's probably the most familiar with my current life-situation. I ran my plans through her. It gave me more guts that what I was doing was right and it was going to happen and it would all be okay. It's that assurance that I had definitely thought it through thoroughly and that I deserved this next step - to cut down and simplify. To consolidate my efforts and energy. To dare to take the next step out and build a life of my own.

She inspired me to carry out those plans, urging me on and giving me things to look forward to, such as our grad trip.

I met Ruiqi yesterday and we had a picnic at the rooftop of the Esplanade. There was music coming from downstairs, good-looking people and ex-Singapore Idols frolicking and tonsil-tackling. We had Sushi, durian and apple juice. There was this wooden platform and I laid down there, staring at the jet-black sky. I saw two small lights sparkling and made a conscious effort not to differentiate between satellites or stars.

At that point of time I wondered if you were looking at the sky like I was.

She let me realise that I didn't need another semester of being so busy that I'd want to blow my brains out. I wanted more of this.

I thought it was part of my identity but things change. People change. I want it my way.

Another Chapter

It's scary how parts of your soul and memories are connected to the people, places and things around you, kind of like how Voldemort stored parts of his soul in Horcruxes.

I haven't moved out of Hall since I stepped foot in that particular room 2 years ago. Just as time passed more swiftly than I imagined, my belongings accumulated sneakily. Every photo, every piece of paper, every container reminds me of something. I thought it only happened in the movies. People look at stuff and then there are flashbacks. Today, almost every item that I laid eyes on or touched roused emotions and memories. It was strange because they came unexpectedly so it felt like I was assaulted. But they were mine, these emotions and memories were in me and I was supposed to be in control. But I wasn't.

There were times I was close to tearing but I ended up choking on an invisible ball of emotion that formed in my throat.

Packing was thus arduous and draining. Despite being more decisive and throwing away as much as I could, there were still plenty I could not part with - the same things that would have difficulty finding a place in my house. I ended up with more bags than I could carry in 2 trips. I was confused, frustrated and drowning in the surrounding dust.

Finally I was more or less done. It was a crazy 2 hours. It was as if I fast-forwarded and lived 2 years in those 2 hours. I've done so much - the good, the bad and the ugly. True, there are things that I'm proud of, and nice memories like how I started my Hall life as a pageant contestant. But much more than that, there's so much I can't change. There's so much I look back at with regret. And there's so much that's out of control. I can't relive the good parts either. I can only look back, pathetically, knowing that it will not come round again.

It has also been the most recent two years of my life, the two years that I felt that I was responsible for most of what has gone on and for that, I'm proud of how it turned out. It could've been much worse.

So much drama.

I should be glad. I am. I am happy about where I am now. I don't need a restart button. I just need to march forth, bravely, and carry on.

Hall 12 Collage

It's been a great year to be in Hall 12 Publications. I got to do this collage, out of which I took three of the photos. I must say I'm quite happy with what I've done, although it could've been a bit better. I guess I'm rusty from not having done this kinda work for a long time. I even had to re-teach myself how to use the layer mask! LOL. Speaking of which, I've just applied for hall for next sem. Hope I'll get what I want!

A Modest Win

Yeah, all that effort paid off! We got the 1st Runner Up. For the #1 Dance Crew in NTU, check here. I promise it's worth your time.

The Hard Part

Closing Ceremony

Last year I performed at the Opening Ceremony of the Hall Olympiad. This year I performed at the Closing Ceremony.

I know I could probably write more about it, such as the effort I put in, the time I sacrificed. But this isn't about me. It's about the team. Everyone had their input into our final performance. Be it from the choreography to costume (I designed the shirt!!!), everyone had a small part to play. It was a tiring process going from nothing to something and it was awesome to have the audience cheering for us at the end. It was great that our effort was recognised.

Thank yous to the people who were cheering in the crowd, all those people from Hall 12 and Ros and Yiling. Okay so it did make me a tad more nervous but it's encouraging to know that there are people rooting for you.

Surprisingly, our virgin dance crew came in second. We were ecstatic because it was unexpected, because for many of us it was our first time dancing at this kind of level, and we probably had a tad less choreography than other crews. But as it turns out, no less in terms of quality.

We screamed and screamed and screamed and cheered and cheered and cheered. Jumped up and down and up on stage and we just could not keep still. I had my hands on my head in stark disbelief and so did everyone else. It was just insane. Mayhem.

First went to Hall 1 who were God-like. It's such an honour being second to them.

A video will be up soon, but I screwed up quite badly at the front. The back was awesome though, so I'm looking forward to seeing that! We went to Ah Fang for Roti Prata because there was a line in our dance sequence about Prata and Teh Tarik. It was the funniest shit ever.

We walked back, singing, dancing, reminiscing about our dance rehearsals and listening to songs that we did during warm up, down the dark, wide empty streets of NTU.

It was really amazing. I know I've been a bit... out, of hall activities for a long time, but this is one of those defining moments of my Uni life.

Spotlight

Thank you all for coming down today to watch the full dress rehearsal. I was glad to see the familiar faces although you could probably tell that I am not that good at dancing. And that I'm not used to the spotlight any more.

---
You can tell a person's state of mind by the state of the things around him. A fishtank that's 1/5 full of water. A potted plant that's 4/5 wilted. A desk that has everything from fish food, sweets, googles, instant noodles, cupcakes, notes and a candle just occupying all the space, like a big, angry mob filling the streets.

It's just a state of mind.

Last Call

Aye Aye Captain