3

I didn't think '3' was going to be awesome. I was thinking it'd probably be another B-side and would end up in the hearts of the crazy fans who'd bother with songs like Over To You Now or Chaotic.

However '3' turned out to be much more. It's an insane club stomper, relentless with its beats and crazy lyrics. Meaninglessness - check. Blasphemy - check. Sex - check. In fact, the song's about having a threesome. Now I'd really like to hear it getting played on radio. What does it teach kids? I don't know and I don't care.

There is even her signature moan at the end of the chorus.

I've waited an entire year for a new song. I still remember listening to bits and pieces of Circus last year when it got released while I was studying for the exams. Every release from Britney is like an event in my life!

As I listen to it on repeat for the second hour that I've gotten my hands on the mp3, I can't help but feel so alive. It's like a drug - it heightens your senses the moment you hear it.

Now that is the makings of a great pop song.

What do you say? Are you game?

Life's Too Short And So

Sometimes you'd think that life's too short to be constantly worrying over stuff. Not having to put yourself through crap should be second nature.

I'm the kind of person who wishes that I was that way but am the complete opposite. I try to complete a million and one things in a day. More often than not I feel that I don't have enough "me" time. This week I've been trying to get my ass off the chair and exercise every day.

Apparently the other extreme works for me. Life's too short, you don't want to end up as just anybody. You become an overachiever in your own right, trying to get this done at the same time that this is being done. It's all very good when you look back and say, "Wow, so that's what I was up to.". But then again you lose the "living for the moment" part.

Striking that balance is hard. It's much easier that the work load comes and goes so there are certain peak periods where you can't breathe and they are times where you are able to relax.

Despite the lack of income, I'm really looking forward to having my last tuition lessons with my 6 kids in the course of next week so I can concentrate one school so I can focus on one thing at a time.

And perhaps, relax.

Plan-a-holic

"I don't feel that my life's out of control. In fact it's too in control. There's no excitement," said a certain popstar as she broke down in front of the cameras. Her name rhymes with Whitney if you really want to know.

That's what I can say about my life for the next 7 days. It's supposed to be recess week but it's packed with outings (very good), tuition ($=good), project meetings (not good) and errands (fuck). Ask me what I would be doing at any time during the week and I can give you the answer. I live and work by a schedule. My time's dictated. I should feel empowered because I'm in control and there's no uncertainty.

But it's that lack of uncertainty that makes it boring. I can understand how, when people start to work, they always feel the need to be in control and in the know. Then they settle for that life where it becomes monotonous and predictable. I'm so close to living that life now and I don't want it.

But like what they say in Grey's, no one knows how to live their lives. We just have to figure it out.

Just In Case

Just in case you've missed it on Facebook, here's Betrayal in high definition. Enjoy.

Frozen

Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken

Behind The Scenes Of Betrayal

Pawn

To Lyon and Jess, hope I've done the film justice.

Ris Low

Dear Ris Low,

I know that we shouldn't judge people, so I, Mr B, have been trying so hard not to. For fear of bad karma. But the thought of never forming opinions of someone based on little hard evidence and lack of interaction ever again scared me so much I broke out into cold sweat screaming, "Don't speak!" in the midst of my sleep.

Therefore I've found a loophole in my rule. I will not judge people based on things they cannot change - race, religion, looks, sexuality and all that shit. I will bitch about everything else.

To put it simply, means if your English sucks and you can do better, then it's a flaw that I can HAHAHA about lah.

The reason that we find you funny and watch your interview with RazorTV a billion times on youtube is because nobody we know speaks that way. The retards at the Speak Good English Movement think we shouldn't laugh at you because they are under the impression that Singaporeans speak like you.

They must've been living under your piece of bigini.

I am tempted to put in a word or two about your leopard prince, zebra prince and khaki grin because I really want to know how they go together, whether their crowns are bigger than yours etc etc, but that would be pushing it.

A friend's friend witnessed you buying a drink. You said, "Auntie, can I have one Coke please," in the most ridiculous I-can-speak-good-English slang, which sounded so contrived that my other friend commented that if you said it to an Uncle he might have thought he was asking for his cock.

I'm not sure when we will stop collapsing into fits of laughter whenever someone goes "BOOMS". I'm not encouraging people to laugh at you though. Seriously. But I'm sure you can take it. Miss Worlds are usually very tough and thick-skinned - which kind of works like a hard armour protecting you from the nonsense of the world. You'll be fine.

After all, you're studying steel.

PS You have some of the most awesome Youtube videos in Singapore history and have gotten Singaporeans to care about Miss World again. For that you deserve to win.

Mr B

The End

I have an issue with death.

I am afriad of death. Deathly afraid. In fact sometimes when I think of it too much I really get that sinking, never-be-happy feeling enveloping me and it just sucks me in... endlessly until I snap out of it.

I had a discussion about this with a good friend a couple of days ago and I just felt like that. I literally had to be shook out of that trance.

Which makes me wonder why I don't cling on to the beliefs of some religion that preaches eternal life and all that. I refuse to believe it becuase I believe in science and that we all rot and become a part of this Earth and that there's nothing left at the very end. I believe what happens to animals happens to us. I don't see why we should be any different.

Even if we can blog.

But I guess it's an end that all of us will meet with in the end, so as they say, live life to the fullest, be happy, make every moment count. There's no point worrying about what will come or wallow in the uncertainty of all that nonsense...

I'd probably want to be enlightened some day but for now... party everyday! Party everyday!

As Madonna would ask, "Do you want to die happy?".

Old Love

I met up with Jie Yu and Shuming this week. Both of whom I've known for half a decade. Not very long considering that people have friends who go all the way back, like since Primary School. But I don't.

It's interesting talking to people who've known you for such a long time. You've already given up any pretence of being someone whom you're not. Not only have these people shaped who you are, they are people that you've shared a good part of your life with.

When I met Jie Yu for supper he was telling me about stuff that I already kinew but was scared to do. I guess I need that motivation and that push to make myself somebody. I have a lot to learn from him, being driven and rejecting mediocrity.

Shuming and I had dinner at Bugis. She's leaving to do her masters in the UK this Saturday. We talked about everything and she shared her experiences studying in Amsterdam, how it was being a student in "Southeast Asia Studies" class in a Western country. We talked about how religion and the different directions it pushed the both of us. We also reaffirmed our friendship - that we would be there for us no matter how we changed. I think it's because there's something common that holds us together... something special.

Tonight I'm having dinner with my secondary school friends.

Cheers to old love.

Him and Her

Dear him and her,

I know the MRT is very crowded during rush hour, so I'll excuse you two from standing so close to each other. But seriously, you'd think Rihanna was telling you to go "hand in hand, chest to chest and now we're face to face." It's not a club! You don't have to hold each other so tightly that just watching you makes it difficult to breathe. But as I said, it was crowded, you're doing the public a good deed by saving space. So props to you guys on that.

But I can't forgive you guys for hurting my eyes. I told myself not to look but it's like the Miss Singapore World Ris Low's youtube video - it's so horrible you just have to watch it on repeat. (What a fucking waste of time!)

So I couldn't resist looking at the intense Public Display of Affection going on. If you guys looked good, it would have been like a scene straight out of Titanic. The one in the car even.

Erm however it looked like what a pre-sex scene from Shrek would look like.

So take my advice, there's no need to look around and wonder what's wrong and why people are staring at you. Just stop what you're doing and act normal, how any other commuter would. Listen to your ipod, play with your PSP, twiddle your thumbs. It's that simple.

Hope less strangers stare at you on your next train trip.

P/S Save on the Fred Perry, opt for plastic surgery.

Mr B

One Way Or Another

You know, when I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be in movies. When I grow up I wanna drive nice cars I wanna have groupies.

It's just a part that you can't "skip". At least not for most of us. We only start dwelling into the deeper meaning of life when we've acquired the material - a house, a car, credit cards or the superficial like fame. I have the knowlege that nothing is permanent, nothing is eternal. I coul have everything and it could all be gone tomorrow. But that doesn't stop me from buying that pair of Topman jeans nor getting up earlier to do my hair.

Maybe goals in life should be less about owning things - clothes, friends, life partners, money and more about gaining a sense of wordliness - knowing the people who matter and treat them special, nothing we can hold can last forever and coming to terms with death.

As much as I want to be that guy at the end, now, I think it'll take time and a lot of work to become that person and it's a journey, a series of steps that makes it interesting and worth going through.

I can only hope that with each passing day I am getting there and in my current pursuit of all the nonsensical stuff, I keep in mind what is truly important.

The Time Traveller's Wife

The Time Traveller's Wife is good. Its premise is interesting and it was very well-written, resulting in a piece of work that was very well put together. It might all be very fictional, this guy who travel through time, but as my writing teacher would say, "Fuck you lah what not real. The emotions are real."

The casting of the two leads were awesome, Rachel McAdams (hey Mean Girls!) and Eric Bana. They are the kind of people who, in real life, aren't the glamorous look-at-me types and in this movie they are subtle but powerful in their acting.

It is a look at life as a whole, from childhood to being a young adult and then becoming matured and having a sense of worldliness. At the same time it brings across themes of love, devotion and compared to other films, a strong sense of family. Their daughter, the driving force for the entire last act, was angelic.

I wonder if anyone would give up their lives for a person who would disappear for periods of time without warning. To wait and stay devoted to somebody who might miss Christmas, or disappear just before a date and having to be alone. It's hard to make your world revolve around somebody who cannot be there all the time.

But Claire was so devoted. She never gave up. She managed to pull herself together through difficult times while being a pillar of strength for her husband.

Maybe all love takes is being strong enough to deal with whatever comes.

Relationship Management

If I were to come up with a list of people I've "blocked" from my life, I think I'd be looking at a substantial number. Yes, I'm more of the "fight we break up" and not the "kiss we make up" kind of person. It just takes the slightest thing for me to classify that person under "if I never see your face again, I don't mind". I must've been too free that I've surfed the blogs of people I don't talk to... and I see myself mentioned in a bitter way.

I've got tonnes of people telling me that I'm nice. Yes, I used to resent that word. "Nice" equates to being blandly pleasant, with no character whatsoever. But in these times, it's something I'd like to hold on to, this niceness.

Because I know I haven't been the nicest person.

I'm not nice enough to swallow betrayal. I'm not nice enough to give second chances. I have unrealistic idealistic expectations.

Also I've had my fair share of people taking the initiative to be extra nice to me. And I can't reciprocate the way that they needed me too. It's a matter of managing expectations but sometimes no on can take the blame. It was just not how the relationship was meant to be.

So I don't care anymore. Okay, maybe a little. But I'm not going to go through life worrying what people think of me, even if they might misunderstand my intentions or actions.

At the end of the day if you can be that shoulder for me to lean on, it's more than enough for me.

District 9

District 9 was intense from start to finish. I do not understand why it's only showing at Cathay but you have to fucking watch it. Now. Do not wait. No such thing as downloading, streaming or waiting for the DVD.

It is the best movie I've watched all year.

I was on the edge of my seat (and my friend's) all the way and my heart just went out to whichever character was being bullied which was different at any one time. It's the reality of nature if you would have it. Sometimes there is no justice and the strongest survives. But still because we believe in humanity we believe in doing the right thing.

Which makes those scenes even harder to swallow. Money and power hungry people. Fear of the unknown. Rejection. Discrimination. Intrusion.

The one scene that really hit me was the guy trying to chop off his own arm after it turned alien. It was amazing physicalisation of a very common internal struggle.

Have you ever hated a part of yourself so much that your self-worth depended on its removal?

Plus One Under The Belt

Ahh... the magic of a good team. Dynamics.

Filming today was awesome and I hope that the end product would be even more so. I was so inspired by it all today that I plan to do a project and rope them all in to be part of it.

Anyway it was really tiring waking up so early but in the end I guess it was worth it. I had a lot of running to do though, but there was an epic situation that made it worth it. I believed in the story too, just that I couldn't slap Pamy. That was hard. I hope that editting would somehow make it seem better.

I felt that I've grown through acting today. I guess that's the best feeling that's kind of difficult to describe. Acting is putting emotions and thoughts and actions out there - a performance - and somehow the experience just gives you something right back. You grow as a person.

Thanks for making everything fun you guys. Bernie, Amos, Pamy, Lyon. And especially to the da dao yan Melvin Chen who thought I was really going to whack him when he was demo-ing someone else's role. Eh I accidentally stayed in character and couldn't get out!

Lyon and Melvin - get A okay! Extend my "winning" streak! LOL!

Trust In The Name

I got cheated of 300 dollars.

A tutor agency apparently requires tuition coordinators so I thought I'd sign up. Then I found out that I had to pay $259 for a 3-month access to their data base of tutors and source for tuition kids myself. So I spent $39 putting my name in the newspaper, trying it out. I wasn't even successful, especially since there were other agencies putting ads in the papers. The database was easy to use but didn't even have enough active tutors to match. Now I want out and there is a $55 termination fee.

I wasn't in to make a quick buck exactly. I was willing to put in the hard work. But I was really tempted by extra cash. I didn't let MLM get to me. But this thing did.

I know I paid the price to learn something. I should invest in my interest and my skills. And let people pay me to work for them instead of having to get my hand burnt.

Now I know better.

Jac's A Rebel

ONE MORE TIME!

Cast Me!

From Lyon,

Yo jason. Tmr 11.30 in studio hor. Bring two sets of clothes. One with like shirt and jeans and the other one more casual and rebellious when you were a gangster. Bring your specs for the preppy changed man look.

Yes, I am very excited to be acting tomorrow, especial after a somewhat long period of time without acting stints! I'm just doing this for fun because I'm not a very good actor but I love getting into character. Either that or I'm a whore, as most of my friends would call me.

However I must say it sounds suspiciously like a video I did 2 years ago that you can see here, where the fairygod mother supposedly changed me from rich-kid to happy-gangster. Ahahaha... My first ever acting stint!

Gangster is good. I've had my fair share of gangster moments. Tomorrow I'll channel my inner Anthony Wong OK!