D i f f e r e n t

I've gone through enough in life and I see the patterns over and over again. Friends are people. People change. Back when I'd spend all the time I had with them; now I only meet up with them every week. Sometimes when I am in search of someone to go somewhere or do something with me, I hesitate, and then almost always I let someone else make the first move. It's not because I don't wish to take the initiative. It's just that sometimes I feel so unsure of myself that I don't dare to ask people to commit a certain amount of time to spend with me when they might have the chance to be doing something that they enjoy more, or be with people they'd rather be with.

Which is why sometimes I think I'd rather do things myself (what an anti-social freak!) than ask someone to accompany me. Be it to get that new shirt or to spend some time under the sun, I don't want people to feel obliged that they have to do what I like to do, see what I like to see, or listen to the music I like to listen. Now I know this is beginning to sound kind of strange. But we can't all be the same. And I'd prefer to be home early to chill most of the time than to stay out late.

I'm tired of the superficial. I want to pursue the magical stuff in life.

I wonder if I have to do it alone.