Sunday, June 28, 2009

More Makan

Last week, the making of Makang Book 2 brought us to the coffee shop at Sheng Shiong, just outside NTU. We tried the Thai Food, which was incredibly awesome.

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The chief chef was friendly and very tanned from his recent fishing trip. Because of his dark complexion, he refused to take a photo and volunteered another chef instead.

After the 4 of us shared that, we went to the very famous Boon Lay Nasi Lemak. Yes, it needs no introduction. The very moment the stall opened the queue remained at this length.

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What impressed me was their warmth. The treated customers like friends and they were always smiling. It isn't an easy job dealing with so many people who expect so much from the food and service, but these guys took it all in their stride. It is their personality that keeps the customers coming back for more.

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

You

My heart is not a fucking dartboard dammit.

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And In Turn

If I can't take it should I say no
And let go
Or hold on and wait
Do I have what it takes
To do what hurts for me
Because of my love for you
To place your happiness before mine
Because what I want to see
Is you
Smiling at me

I don't know why I can't
I wonder if time will make me better
A better friend
A better man
A better lover

Self-centered
I want you to be here for me
Every time of day
When I know that it's not possible
Because we're two seperate people
Sharing something that will hopefully make us one
Someday

If it's as easy as choosing your favourite pet
To love it and expect that it'll love you back
For every flaw you ever have
If only I'd believe the things I tell myself
If only my heart would obey when I tell it not to feel this way
Bitter
Helpless
And fucking angry

So I sit here
Torn by how I feel and how I should feel
Yearning for your touch, your attention
Your voice, your essence
And when it's okay
It'll all be sweet
Again

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Random Buffet Photos

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Method

Gosh, it is these type of entries that require a fucking LJ-cut, but here I am on blogger so suck thumb.

"The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the
emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.

If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates."

- Extracted from Partners and Marriage By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I like to read and watch stuff that teach me lessons on life and love. As much as I like my celebrity shit, it's always great to know that there's more to living and living well.

I've been pondering about the meaning of life and Dr Mahathir's irresponsible blog posts but I feel happy after ranting to Ros about those last night so I'll probably save them for another entry. I actually felt sad and complained to Ros that I wasn't passionate about anything and she told me that my passion was thinking. Hmm...

Till then I hope this read was meaningful to you.

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In My Place

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Time Goes By

Waiting is painful and I don't like waiting. Then again no one likes waiting.

Waiting is painful because there's tension. Unresolved tension. Tension that comes from something needing to be done. It's not easily brushed away. I wish it were. I wish I could not care. I never thought of myself as being dramatic. But I'm emotional.

Today it'll be quite late. And I'm very tired. Maybe it's a life station thing. I don't know. I know some people are in it for the challenge and they view everything like one huge game, enjoying the ride. Winning or losing is not the most important thing.

But I wish it'd be easier. As you said, you didn't think it'd be this hard.

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

Food Porn

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To evoke desire and longing is a challenging task. I'm not that awesome with a DSLR as some people believe. I had fun using the Pedro's Sony alpha though. In time I'll get one of my own.

The compilation of the Makanbook has been trying but working with people like these that make it worth the time. The nice people at Can A's Nasi Padang stall gave us more than we could finish!

Hope you didn't see this on an empty stomach!

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Friday, June 19, 2009

For The Record II

FOR THE RECORD


Frivolity was
Never worth our money saliva words;
In depth we find the meaning of
Love –
the elusive, the simple.
The accompaniment in our cradle, the
Pot of gold at the end of
Infinity;
Forever, we grab clutch grapple for the
End of that infinity. Mere
Mortal fools, but
In foolishness we find the meaning of
Friendship –
The irreplaceable, the essential.
The hand that will see us through.

Beer and chips and conversation;
I know I’m a bad story teller,
But tell me,
tell me,
and I will listen.

by Ros S

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For The Record

This blog has been more about work than people. But we live for the ones who love us for who we are and it's such a waste that the words here have been wasted on frivolous stuff.

I was surprised to see the "BRITNEY for the record" DVD. I knew it meant something but I couldn't put a finger on it till you told me. I didn't look as happy as I should have been I was happy. At the same time I was just curious about the why.

Beer and chips and a good conversation is just the best way to spend time. Revelations about what went on for the past few months... I'm just a bad story-teller in general, everyone knows, but I think I'm a good listener.

I hate for conversations to be frivolous. If there wasn't any depth, there wouldn't be much of a purpose wasting so much money, saliva and words. And there was. We discovered so many things about love. It's the simplest thing that makes the world go round - one of the things that we get from the moment we are born. But we spend the rest of our life trying to find more of it. Where do we find it, with whom is it hidden, how do we nurture it, what will make it stay with us till the very end...

At the end of the day though, it's important to remember that in that search for the most elusive, we still have each other. It's not replaceable nor is it less important but friendship will see us through.

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I guess

I guess

And I guess you thought
You had it thought
Out. Things that are
visceral and
base permeate everything;
so you say.
So you say.
Nothing transcends beyond basic human instincts,
refined thought is but fantasy for the
Indulgent. Truth exists in the most
Selfish and vulgar of forms;
Nothing else matters.

And I,
I guess,
I guess,
You had it thought out.

by Ros S

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Pain is Love

I cause the most pain to people who love me. Sometimes I even do it on purpose because I need to know how much they care. So it's like I stab them with a knife and twist it just to hear them yell. So I would know that I matter.

I never knew I could be so passive-agressive and have rage that uncontrollable. But what I do know is I'm trying. I'm working on it. I'm trying to be that better person. I've realised a pattern. I know that I do that thing where I get pissed and don't stay in touch. I realise that sometimes I do things that I regret and I just let it happen in a moment of blind rage.

I'm only human. But that also means that I can only be better.

Thanks for the faith.

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Throwing Out The Garbage

I threw out quite a lot of stuff yesterday while cleaning out my study room.

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I found a lot of nonsense and I threw them out. Meaningless stuff that have been occupying space. Or stuff that used to be a huge part of my life but have since become obsolete.

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And then there were the worksheets and notes from Secondary School and JC. Tonnes of them. They brought back memories. But the sheets of paper that brought back the most memories are things like...

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The attendance list for lecture. I was the Econs rep in my first-three-months stint at AJC. Who'd knew I'd end up in NYJC and dropping Econs at the end of Year 1!

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My doodling on the back cover of foolscap paper. Names of songs that I really liked then. Daniel Bedingfield's I Can't Read You... anybody remember that one?

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This is the funniest shit. I should probably take a macro photo or scan it in at high resolution. I wrote the lyrics to Toxic and David gave his take on it. In Chinese. Fucking awesome.

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Saturday, June 13, 2009

Move On

I met up with Shuming on Tuesday. We talked a lot but what stood out for me was her telling me that not everybody and not every thing is worth my time. I should do what makes me happy now. There's no need to think unnecessarily far into the future. Despite technology allowing us to do much more, we are more aware than ever that our time here is limited and we'll never get to do everything that we want to do, so it's a mad rush to do everything. To earn money. To travel. To find someone to love and settle down with.

But, quoting the cliche, it's not the destination but the journey. And the most important thing is enjoying that journey.

She inspired me to take a step forward and make plans, take charge and dare to move on.

I met Ness yesterday. She's probably the most familiar with my current life-situation. I ran my plans through her. It gave me more guts that what I was doing was right and it was going to happen and it would all be okay. It's that assurance that I had definitely thought it through thoroughly and that I deserved this next step - to cut down and simplify. To consolidate my efforts and energy. To dare to take the next step out and build a life of my own.

She inspired me to carry out those plans, urging me on and giving me things to look forward to, such as our grad trip.

I met Ruiqi yesterday and we had a picnic at the rooftop of the Esplanade. There was music coming from downstairs, good-looking people and ex-Singapore Idols frolicking and tonsil-tackling. We had Sushi, durian and apple juice. There was this wooden platform and I laid down there, staring at the jet-black sky. I saw two small lights sparkling and made a conscious effort not to differentiate between satellites or stars.

At that point of time I wondered if you were looking at the sky like I was.

She let me realise that I didn't need another semester of being so busy that I'd want to blow my brains out. I wanted more of this.

I thought it was part of my identity but things change. People change. I want it my way.

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Monday, June 08, 2009

New Air



I saw a quick mention of this when I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show one afternoon. I was tempted to watch it because I knew it would be funny and inspirational but this is a totally whole new level of funny and inspirational. It got me laughing from beginning to end. Random yelps of laughter would just burst forth.

It was painful but sobering to learn that if you've got your head and heart in the right place, a greater failure will only lead to bigger opportunities.

I wanted a better quote, but this is trashily funny.

"And I didn't go to any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time or money but look at me. I'm a huge celebrity."

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Friday, June 05, 2009

Kids Nowadays

Me: From next lesson onwards I'll teach you two hours.

Her: Woah no need pay more money ah?

Me: Yah la, give you free lesson. See I so good.

Her: Like that where got good. Half an hour free only...

Me: Okay lor I give you 1 hour free OK! So you have 2 and a half hours of lesson!

Her: Ahahha... ok no need no need.

Me: So 2 hours enough or not.

Her: Enough, enough... okay BYEBYE.

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Me: So you don't know Speed is whose fault?

Him: Not my fault, the school never teach.

Me: Other school teach already. I taught you already what! Why you don't know!

Him: Don't know don't know lah!

Me: I teach you already you don't know, so whose fault?

Him: Not my fault!

Me: I taught you for two weeks already! So is my fault lah.

Him: *gives a look insinuating that it was my fault*

Me: Oh so it's my fault. VERY GOOD. I'll make up for it and sit here and teach you until you know how to do OKAY? *wicked witch smile*

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And so I was there for two and a half hours. Almost died.

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Travel and Employment

There are only two parts I read when The Straits Times arrives at my home every morning, both from the Classified. They are Travel and Employment.

They go hand in hand, since I can't go overseas without the money. I'm faced with a rather tricky problem of not being able to take on office jobs that require commitment since I am taking on 6 sessions of tuition a week (to be increased to almost 20 when my cousins come back). I need something that I can do as they say, own time own target.

Travel is essential. It's exciting. It gives me something to look forward to. Planning it is exciting as well. But I think I need to move on from planning to actually footing the bill and confirming a trip. It's taking too long!

I cannot believe I didn't manage a place on the recommendation list for hall. Publications, Dance, FOC (08&09), DND (08&09). I'm like really sure that every one on the list contributed/ is contributing more than me. Pui. I'm not going to beg but I'm certainly not above leaving halfway. It'd make August a much easier month to get through.

I swear I don't believe that I can't get a place in a list of 90.

Melvin, Ness and Ros rock. We had dinner at Manhattan Fish Market. I've been offered an acting stint which will allow me to flex my laugh-at-me muscles. I bought 4 assessment books from Popular to make my P6 student's lives hell. I borrowed Tuesdays with Morrie from Ros when we stopped over her place and she fangirled over Lambert. We went over to Ness' place and explored the concept of "strange" and I borrowed The Sims 2 from her. Nessie says that she has a surprise for me after watching PCD in concert today.

Okay fine, there are some things in life that are worth feeling happy about.

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Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Show Me The Money

I suppose I've always been a tad unrealistic. But now I know that amassing money is a skill. It's akin to squirrels gathering nuts. It is an essential in life. It's great to chill around and do nothing, but the quality of life would be better with more funds!

I'm thinking of taking a holiday trip soon and it is already rather late to book holiday for the next month. And I've got some financial issues too. I hope that I would be able to find additional jobs on top of teaching tuition. The PC Show seems to be a good place to find a job. But I'm a bit picky. I'm not really interested in giving out flyers. I don't mind selling stuff though, but I guess it's all part of the job.

I've only been an OFFICE BOY, a SALES KID at Sony and a DIRECTIONS POSTER for some cruise company.

Time to pick up more skills to fatten that bank account!

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