I love volleyball. But I ain't good at it.
It's crazy how my mom was so good at it back in the days when she was playing for BPGHS. As for me, I found out that I pretty much sucked at soccer and basketball, two of the more popular ball games that are played by guys on this lovely island.
That pretty much made me stay away from ball games for a long time. It wasn't till I was kicked out of RV that I got to play volleyball in Sembawang SS. I'm filled with a deep sense of regret now when I look back on the times when I could've mastered the sport, attended the training, told myself that I could do it, instead of doubting myself repeatedly. I joined vball, but it was only for like 2 months before I stopped going. At that time I wasn't fit at all; hell, I couldn't even pass the freaking 2.4km run. I just didn't think that I was fit enough to go through the training and come out in one piece, not to mention play a good game. Also, I joined at the same time as the Sec 1 students (when I was in Sec 3) and they all caught on the game much faster than I did.
Now it's all coming back to haunt me because I wish I had tried. Harder. All I am is someone who plays volleyball for fun, better than a newbie but not competition material. It's now when there's an inter-unit competition that I joined as the reserve who would never get to play.
I'm happy and sad at the same time. For today's training, I served more balls than I've served in the past 4 years added together. Master Ang had already made his choice of the final 6, and I and Daniel and Ah Guan would be serving. I served most of the balls, because the other two put their talents to better use elsewhere. The training goes like this: I serve to the final 6 guys, they'd set the ball up and try to spike back, the reserves and Master Ang would find a hole in their defence and hit the ball back. I got to serve balls from 3-5pm. Of coure before that was warm-up and all and I enjoyed every minute of it. I don't pretend to understand the game in its entirety but I enjoy whatever I can play. I enjoy watching the sport. Hell, I think it's the only ball game that I've got affection for.
And that's why it's so hard for me to feel so crap at something that I've got so much interest for. I thoroughly enjoyed the training today but am also full of regret that I wasn't a better player. It probably wouldn't be of much difference if I wasn't present I think. But this week was hell fun because we played (somewhat) casually almost everyday in preparation for next week's tournament which would be held at our unit. It made life more bearable. It made life more meanginful even. And I could feel myself getting better, even though I'm pretty slow at improving. I know that. It's because I'm not a ball person, and it takes me doubly long to be good at it than other people. But still I insist on playing at every chance that I can get.
I tell myself that I can't compare to them because they trained with a team before, be it secondary school or JC. They'd play for hours every week. That's how they became as good as they were. I don't even clock 20 hours of vball playin for the last 3 years, while they'd probably have about 200 hours worth of training in their veins. Sigh.
I try to think of other things which I'm more skilled at, to differentiate myself, and tell myself that I'm not good at nothing. I can't think of much, other than writing, singing (maybe), playing the piano (which I haven't practised and tonnes of other people play the instrument as well)...
It's such a painful irony, to just be bad at something you like so much.
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