Afraid of the Dark

"So what would you tell a friend whose father just passed away?" Terence gave me a look that suggested that he was deep in thought, a rare sight for the joker who'd more likely be seen sucking on an imaginary lollipop (use your imagination) just to get a few laughs.

"Say 'I heard about what happened from friends. I've come to pay my respect to your Daddy.'."

In mere seconds he found that words that I had been so desperately searching for that I turned to Bailey's last night. Ever since I received the call from Sam informing me of the bad news, I couldn't get it out of my head. I felt bad that I wasn't able to go to the funeral with the rest of the army guys in the afternoon because of work commitments. After further contemplation, I decided to drop by after work and return to town to join my colleagues for the supper I promised them.

The unfamiliar bus ride to Chua Chu Kang MRT station was a huge pain accentuated by the duration of the journey itself. There wasn't much to distract me other than a bit of drama caused by a muscular teen clad in a green singlet chiding an uncle for not moving to the back of the bus, and music from my mp3 player. Eventually I got to CK and took the train to BB before switching to a bus. That was when I started to panic a little and wonder what kind of awkward situation I'd be forced to face alone. With the address and directions given, it was surprisingly easy to find my way to that particular void deck. My heard started racing and my hands became ice-cold as I quickly looked at the people in attendance in a fruitless attempt to find a familiar face among them. After circling the area once, I decided to pass time by watching the action on the basketball court before making another attempt at searching for my friend.

Cowardly behavior, I know, but I couldn't bear to give him a call or ask the people around for him. Adapting the wait-and-see tactic was probably as effective as an ostrich hiding its head in the sand when there's danger, but I guess that's just the way I am. I was thankful for a phone call that took my mind off the stress of actually being there.

"Hey, you're here." With a quick jerk of my head to the source of the sound, I was so taken by surprise that I almost dropped the phone. Hastily, I ended my phone conversation and looked at Mike. Dressed simply in a white T-shirt and a black jacket, his eyes were puffy but nonetheless gave me a look of welcome.

"You came alone ah?" I mumbled a few unaudible syllables which suggested something to that effect, before mentioning that Ken was unable to make it due to his lessons. He gave a small nod in response to the incoherent rubbish that came out of my mouth. Without another word, he led me to where his father laid. Initially I was at a complete lost as to what I was supposed to do. I stared deeply into the portrait and observed a minute of silence, paying my respects the best way I knew how.

He went to get some food and offered me some. I insisted that a soft drink would suffice and despite being as hungry as I was, I didn't have the appetite to stomach anything. Contrary to my 101 imagined scenarios of how the encounter would be like, we sat down and had a chat, during which we laugh about our pathetically underpaid jobs and updated each other about our lives in general. After awhile Eric and his BMT friend came, which I took as a cue for me to leave. I asked meekly if I could give "white gold" and he led me to write in the book where I jotted Ken's name alongside mine and passed him the money.

Ken happened to drop by my place earlier in the day and offered his share once he heard about it.

I told him I had to go.

"Thanks for coming," he said in a voice full of emotion.

"Take care," I said, as I gave him a pat on the shoulder, and left.

I left knowing that I've done my part, showing support for a friend. I was never specially close to Mike, but he was one of the few who remained neutral as relationships between the people in my bunk started falling into pieces. I will never forget his small but memorable and enerous treats such as Meiji's milk and chocolates that he brings in during book in. The fact that his cupboard was beside mine also gave us chance for interaction. He'd try (despite countless failed attempts) to throw his gutters into the cupboard from his bed, and I'd be there to pick them up when they didn't make it. Also, I'd make exclamations of how he changed out of Smart 4 to snoozing atire almost immediately after we came back from lunch, when in contrast, I hadn't even taken off my socks!

He's a righteous guy who isn't afraid to speak out when something's wrong. He's responsible all the time and never shirks from undertaking the shittiest of tasks.

Yes. I'm full of respect for the guy.

These thoughts ran through my head at bullet speed during the short walk to the bus stop. Whenever death strikes someone (or those affected), I'd have a huge mental wrestle with the demons in my head. If anything, I'm most afraid of death, which is why I've been trying to get myself to experience life to the fullest whenever I can. Surrounded with dark, murky thoughts, I stared up at an info-advert. With startling coincidence, it started with the words -

Death.
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