I was thinking of going swimming in the late afternoon. Like now. But all of a sudden it turned cloudy, there was rain and everything. The crap part about it was that it was fantastically sunny earlier, but I was too lazy to get off my arse to walk there. It's a ten minute walk. I think I've to put aside some money to take a cab there, then I won't be procrastinating about exercising. Blah.
Oh, I knew I just had to get out of the house! Gr! I cannot believe I'm stuck at home because usually I'm lined up with so many programs that I've to reject a few. Although now I know how it feels to be on the receiving end but still... It feels crappy. I think this is probably revenge when I secretly laugh at people who don't make good use of their time doing something meaningful. Bah. I swear I'm going to pack my schedule so full again that no one's going to be able to get me if they don't book a month in advance! (It used to be a week.)
Or maybe I'm just saying this in a fit of...
Just on the spur of the moment. Thing.
Actually I'm feeling kind of weird. My grandma hasn't been eating. She's been undergoing dialysis. There's been trips to the hospital. My dad asked me to visit her, but I just can't bear to. It's not that I don't feel anything for her. There's a part of me that's scared to face up to all of it. The helplessness of it all. I know going there brings a smile to her face for those precious few seconds. But after that all I can do is just sit there. I don't know.
Oh and everyone knows what I do whenever I get stuck at home by myself - I watch The OC. Season 2 ended on a cliffhanger. Season 3 opens with a bang and is just so much more intense. I can't believe that it gets better. Every episode either gets me laughing out loud in front of the computer or choked with emotions so badly that I feel a weird tightness in my throat. It makes me realise that while I'm here doing basically nothing, I have to indulge in their lives to make me feel like I'm alive. When I should be out there, well, living life! Doesn't really help that I'm feeling fucking broke now. Oh well, will just have to do more low-budget stuff next time.
Oh, and I've been listening to this band called the Youth Group. I've only heard one song, which is Forever Young. You all know that song, it's a very very old song that goes, "Forever young, I wanna be forever young. Do you really wannna live forever. Forever. Forever." So I was merely watching The OC and Marissa said that the next song they heard on radio would be their (as in Marissa and Ryan's) song. It turned out to be some heavy R&B track. They laughed and changed the song. The familiar refrain popped, and it turned out to be this track! I'm aware that it's off The OC soundtrack and it's charting damn well in Australia but was taken by surprise at its use at that very moment. It was really a "moment".
I remember Britney saying something like life's made up of different moments. And we look forward to all those great moments. And something. I don't know. The ways she said it was somewhat bimbotic, but still meaningful. Ah.. I think it's in the Chaotic DVD. Might have to search through that to hear what she actually said.
This week has been kind of crappy. I mean, I feel that the bunk dynamics aren't exactly working in my favour as well. There's someone who keeps pissing me off repeatedly. I just want to sit on my bed, read my book, listen to my discman and wait for ORD. Can't possibly go wrong with that, can I?
Oh, and a shoutout to Quixoticka. His entries and replies of late have really got me thinking about life. Learnt quite a lot of stuff. And beefed up my music knowledge too! Haha...
Heck... I'm going to my maternal grandma's place to eat rice dumplings. It's the season already. YAY!
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